poisonedgrace: (Default)
Last night, I Dreamed.

Ní thuigim. Tá an iomarca. Mar sin féin tá sé tábhachtach.

Bhí mé sa teach. Thug mé cuairt anseo roimhe seo. Mar a shiúil mé tríd an spiorad conairí dorcha tháinig chugam.

Bhí sí beag agus bán. Bhí sí fuar. Shroich sí amach agus i dteagmháil léi dom. Sa domhan. Rugadh í.

Líonadh le saol. Bhí a fhios agam é. Bhí mé ag fanacht. Tá cónaí uirthi go deo. Mo inchinn agus mo chroí líonadh agus iomlán.

Bhí sí ina Cailleach Feasa. Bhí sí ina Bandia. Bhí sí mo bhean chéile. Bhí sí ag dul go dtí deireadh an domhain. Bhí mé ag dul chun cabhrú léi.

Ghlac mé léi i mo lámha. Mé tar éis fanacht céadta bliain. D'iarr mé uirthi cad a tharla ar chor ar bith. Dúirt sí go raibh sé in am. Anois, tá sé in am. Anois is féidir léi teacht abhaile. Anois is féidir liom eitilt.

An comhartha a tháinig. Ní fhéadfadh sí a pórú. Ní féidir liom pórú. Ach tháinig an draíocht. Mo leanbh taobh istigh.


Chuir sí chugam a bhogadh na nathracha as an mbosca draíochta. Eitil mé go dtí an barr. Rinne mé sé le feiceáil. D'oscail mé an bosca, agus na nathracha tháinig amach. Taobh istigh sa bhosca a bhí uirlisí feithimh.

Bheadh ​​gach duine a tháinig cabhrú deireadh an domhain. Le tine agus troid. De réir draíochta agus cruach. Leis an solas agus an dorchadas.

Thug mé na huirlisí.

Eitil mé sa spéir le mo Cailleach Feasa mo bhean chéile mo ghrá go deo.
Ba mhaith leis an domhan ar fad a stopadh.



And I woke up.
And my heart aches.
And I love you, forever and ever and ever, across all the worlds that ever were and ever shall be.
And I lie waiting, just waiting, for my time to come.
poisonedgrace: (Default)
Starting to feel the bubbles, but it's not time yet, so I ignore
ignoreignoreignoreignoreignore
___

Got the arms done last night. Even tested the adhesive. *thumbs up*
I guess today will start fleshing the body. I pray to Kaltiki The Immortal Monster that it goes swiftly, easily, and smoothly(softly).

Beyond that, it's just cloth and rigging.
___

I am wandering in to increasingly strange spaces the past few days. I don't know what to think.

Last night I Dreamed of futuristic architecture. I had gotten this place to live... The back of it opened up onto a deck which could extend over a flowing river. I looked down and watched a man drive a 4 legged robot thing upstream. I saw fish so close I could grasp them. When the deck was retracted, it had a little kitchen area, a pool of some sort, and many other things. The inside of the place was also strange and futuristic.

At one point, while everyone else (whoever they were) was elsewhere, I was in a kitchen of sorts with a Woman whom I knew well within that world, and I had a fiery love towards her. She was as tall as me, and thinly lost in a obfuscating black robe. All translucent stick arms, pale hair and blue eyes. A moment was forever and it was almost enough to make me burst. I know Her now that I am awake. She rides permanent over my travels.

At another point, I was in a classroom or office of some kind
(which was clearly symbolic, but then again, every single part of this was, and explains why I am in the state I am in today). I was there 'learning about myself' and also invisible to the other people, although I could see them clearly (the symbolism never ends here, guys. That's how They communicate, after all). As I sprawled, somewhere between worlds, She came in. A Woman whom I knew well within that world, and I had a fiery love towards her. She was as a good bit shorter me, and a strained swirl in torn and mended comfort clothing. All soft ripeness, bursting at the sensual seams, dark hair, darker skin and black eyes. A moment was nowhere near long enough but it was almost enough to make me burst. I know Her now that I am awake. She rides permanent over my spirit.

The finite and the infinite are different ends of the same tunnel.
Reality is a snake, slowly swallowing it's own tail.
poisonedgrace: (Default)
Last night... I Dreamed.

Not sure of the... anything, although maybe it starts to click. We will see how I feel after I've gone over it. I just know it was... one of those.

I was driving through the past. Places I used to dwell, but do not live in the area any more. I was trying to get to a place that I have been many times, and know the exact location of. I was of two minds in this. A part of me didn't know that the past is gone, and what used to be there is no longer there. Another part of me knew this, but was still interested in going, just to see it.

The road to get there was different. It had dense, close trees and rocks lining each side, then previously it was an open area. I was unable to turn left where I wanted to because the way was blocked by the environment. I continued straight past my usual / needed turn off, and looked for any chance to go left.

There was never a real road going that way, but there was a break in the dense trees, and even though it was rocky, I attempted to slowly navigate left, onto the lanes of the road heading back towards my turn / destination. The vehicle I was driving did not make it over the rocks. It got stuck, or bottomed out, or something. I was not terribly far from where I wanted to be, and I knew the area, so I opted to walk.

I took a backpack, and some stuff with me, crossed the center rocky area, and crossed the other lane of the road. There was a driveway there, connecting the road to a cemetery in the woods
(and this should answer some of my uncertainty in and of itself, now that I actually think about it, and type it out). A girl came out of the driveway. She also had a backpack, and she was putting on some roller skates. She was shorter than me, had a pretty face, an average/thin build, elflocks in every color of brown that I could begin to imagine existed on the earth. She spoke, and I explained that I was walking back to 'town' because the forest didn't let me turn, and it was different than it used to be.

She asked me to follow her, because her destination was on the way to my destination, and she wanted to show me some things. I followed her up the road, and then off to the right, into an area where there were some various buildings and junk and things. Out of the buildings, there was a restaurant that her family owned, it also had a little store in it as well. There was a sort of... idk, petting zoo type thing, and a bunch of other stuff. It was a lot to take in.

She lead me to a back yard sort of area, typical for that region, a fire pit, some table sort of things, an army of lawn chairs. She sat me down, and reached beside her chair and brought up a snake. She told me that it was an Eyelash Viper, and it was. It was a million shades of yellow and blue, softly shifting in pattern, hue and tone. I said that I couldn't imagine holding something like that, which was so deadly. She said that it was only deadly if it bit you, then proceeded to open it's mouth and show me in great detail, all of it's teeth, and the inside of it's mouth.

I did not want to look, or to get close to it. She laughed, and asked me if I wanted to hold it. I declined, and the snake turned a million shades of red and green. She placed it on a branch by the back door, and said that it lived there, and did not need any enclosure. She took out a small cloth bag, and handed it to me. The inside was filled with pure silver coins.

I took them out, one at a time, examining them. They were very old, and most of them were bent, twisted, flattened or somehow rubbed smooth, or faded. Barley any text, or images or identifying marks remained. I saw enough, between several coins to determine that they were from Ireland, and I saw some different years marked on them, but I can not recall the numbers now. I looked through them as she talked, and said many things which I have no surviving details of. I bit one of the coins, and it was soft enough that I left teeth marks in the silver. She said that meant it was very pure.

I took one of the coins out. I admired it's strange abnormal blobby shape, and then I took a lock of my hair, and i bent the coin around it, like a bead or a wrap or whatever, so it would stay around my hair like a tube. She smiled, and lead me through the restaurant back towards the road. She had picked up some sort of giant cake / cookie thing which she carried with us, along with all her stuff (except the roller skates). I clutched another of the coins in my right hand, the coin bag in my left hand, and still had my backpack and stuff with me.

We went down a sort of wooden plank/walk thing, through the trees, towards the road. She wanted to give me the cake / cookie thing, and she told me that she had to go overseas for a while. I took the coin, and one of her elflocks, and wrapped the coin around it, same as I had on mine. I asked her not to go. I told her that I wanted her to come with me, on my adventures, and be a part of my life. She dropped the cake/cookie, and some other indeterminate things onto the boards / dirt / mud, and embraced me. Everything in the universe was one thing, and it was all moving like the edge of a deep space singularity towards an inexorable future that was to be everything that it should be. Everything, life, roads, rivers, time, space, all of reality had been leading to this exact moment all along, and it was all exactly as it should be.


I awoke with that strange otherworldly feeling that I get when They have come along. The confusion and the light and the wtf all rolled together, where nothing makes sense but then later after it sits and you recount it, it does after all. At least some of it. Usually.

I fell back into a strange sleep, and here I am now. Remembering, reminded. Still on the path towards something larger than myself.
poisonedgrace: (Default)
Not sure what all I was supposed to get from that...

"more mysteries inside than out" ?
"don't neglect one area in favor of another" ?
"hi, how ya doin? just dropping by for a visit" ?
"right in front of everyone is the only way to do things" ?
"details are orbiting haloes" ?
"you have a million lives, any of them could be anything" ?
"everything is a mottled blob" ?


And of course things slip away, become greasy and translucent.
Struggling to pick up fine sand under flowing water.

Sometimes...
Sometimes I don't even know how Time works, or which direction it moves in.
And I certainly don't know why.
But everywhere I look, everyone is drowning.
Drowning and trying to convince themselves that they can breathe the water.
I guess it would be sort of funny, if it weren't the end of the world.
We live in a place where Greed is God, and Destruction is Income.
and I just want to create. I want to breathe in what others have created.
I want to learn and grow and practice until systems are perfected.
But it's all so out of fashion.
"Out of Step With The World."

I wonder if I will ever again have even the most brief moment that feels like 'forever'...
poisonedgrace: (Default)
Last night I dreamed (with all the power of symbols and prophesy) that I was moving over the land in a big machine made of glass and metal. It was moving north on 150 into some never before seen dream version of my old town. My traveling companion was very tall and large. She was probably about 7 or 7.5 feet tall, and easily weighed between 400 and 550 pounds. She was a massive and powerful woman, but kind and gentle. She was a deep, rich brown, with a mottled complexion, and many much darker patches. She had a good sized afro, which would have been huge on anyone else, but it did not even come close to reaching her wide shoulders. She spoke very little, and in very quiet, even tones when she did. She mostly communicated with looks and small gestures, which was fine, because we knew one another as well as two people ever can. I'm not sure who she was or who she was even supposed to be to me, other than a (relatively) long term traveling companion. I don't know where we were going, or what our final destination was supposed to be.

The machine (a sort of blimp / ship sort of thing) docked by lowering itself vertically onto a sort of hub where many such vehicles were docked. As it docked to a platform in front of it, another platform behind it rose and moved forward into place, so that it was held securely on the front and back of the under hanging "belly" portion, where all the people and stuff were.

My companion and I were on the very lowest level, which was a sort of observation deck. It was mostly glass with a platform of wood and metal. We went to the rear of the room, and climbed some stairs that took us into a sort of passenger area, which was mostly empty. We climbed more stairs (off to the side this time, rather than the back) which led us to a door which opened to the "ground level" of the vehicle, which was the part that was secured to the platforms on the front and back. This level had doors which opened to both platforms, front and back, so that it made a walkway through the middle of the large room, the front leading to the hub, and the back leading to more path / walkways.

The doors were still closed when we went into this room. The room bustled with various employees who were preparing to open the doors. The entire floor held a retail store, consisting mainly of clothing and accessories of all types. All the other ships in the hub were similar, with the contents of the stores varying from one to the next of course, but over all, it made like a modular "mall" composed of fully mobile stores on the bottoms of blimps. That was the entire point of the vehicle, to travel where they liked to run their store, and trade with locals and other stores. The passenger portion of the enterprise was more of a 'side job' and had varying degrees of travelers who booked to get from point A to B, then likely booked with another merchant to head towards their eventual destination.

My companion was feeling in a hurry for some reason, so I unlocked the front door to let her out into the hub, and walked next door as she entered another store. At the moment she entered, I heard an unmistakable voice from behind me, and turned around to see my friend's father walking around the mall / hub with his grandson. He spoke and we very briefly chatted. Friendly, but we secretly (and not so secretly) actually don't like one another...

As they moved on, I looked in the front window (all these shops/Blimp stores had glass walls on the front and back, with big double doors and roll down metal gates. You could see all the way through them from front to back, and people walked directly through the middle of them, as there could even be many stores in a line, depending on the configuration of the hub. As long as they were far enough to allow the size of the blimp, and for it to lift and land, the configurations were endless) of the store that my traveling companion had gone in to. She was going about her business in there. I feel like she was buying something for a specific event related to her destination, but I don't know what it was. The destination, while vague, had a feeling of gravity and ceremony, like a funeral or a wedding or something of that nature, but I can not say if it was a happy or a sad one.

I stood, looking in at her shopping, and along through the mall came someone whom I used to know. He was old now, much older than me, even though we are the same age. He walked with a cane and was the same fake, condescending, stuck up asshole he always was, which is what lead of course, to the eventual demise of our once friendship. He walked up and started trying to talk to me like not a day had passed, and we were still good friends and there had never been a lapse or an issue. All part of being fake and shitty, you know how it is. He tried to pry and find out what I was doing, and force conversation, I tried to politely remove myself from any interaction with him.

As I uncomfortable struggled with this, a very beautiful and very angry woman began to turn the inside of the ship I came in on into a thundercloud. I looked back and saw the employees making "we don't know" sort of gestures, and in general looking like "uh oh" about the situation. It took no time to recognize that this woman was the 'Captain" of the vessel, the owner of the store, and the creator / designer. This was not usually the case in these situations. Normally, a captain leased store space to a middleman who in turn booked goods and services to fill the store. This was a self made, hard working, and strikingly beautiful woman. I stood sort of gawking for a moment as I figured all of this out.

She was upset because the doors had been opened early, before she had inspected the store. This was my fault, because I had opened them to let myself and my companion out. I went over and explained and apologized. I told her who I was, that I had been the ship's passenger, and I had opened the doors to let myself and my companion out. She was upset because the keys were missing. I showed her that I had stupidly left them in the door, but that I was never more than 5 feet away from the lock, and I had been watching them the whole time. She immediately calmed down, and we spoke about the trip, and the store, and this particular hub. This entire time, my ex-friend douche was trying as hard as he could to butt in, and pathetically come off as "cool" and flirt with her. She was not interested in any of his nonsense.

She invited me in to see the store, and I followed her as she walked around doing her inspection. The whole time, that weasel followed us around, trying to chat her up. She said that she would like to speak to me in the captain's quarters, so that we could talk without interruption. Of course he didn't get the hint, so he tried to follow us, until I called him by his full name (which he hates) and embarrassed him and made him go away.

Her compartment was up a ladder behind the registers in the store. It was a sort of a loft so she could look down at the store if she wanted to. The walls were too high to just look over, but you could sort of stand up on a sitting ledge that went around the room. The room was filled with deep colors and textures, and lush surfaces. It was clearly reflective of a creative person who works with a variety of media. I wonder if the feeling I got is similar to what people feel when entering my room for the first time.

We sat and spoke, and in addition to being gorgeous, and self made and creative, and driven, and working hard, it turns out that she was also funny and smart and quick witted, and kind, and insightful. We talked about everything, ever, and talked about nothing at all, and it was intoxicating and beautiful. Time changed and stretched and compressed and twisted up. The dream sort of faded through a ton of things that washed away like they meant nothing, and came back into focus a long time later, where this amazing woman was mine, and I was hers, and we woke up together and her skin was like the surface of the sun and all I wanted in the whole of my existence was to be saved by her and to die inside her and with her forever and ever, because nothing could be more perfect.


And of course I woke up, and drove to work and spent the rest of the miserable day doing this stuff lol.

I think there was a message though.
"He who endureth to the end, shall be saved"

Unless it's all a metaphysical yo-yo rodeo. Of doom.
poisonedgrace: (Default)
Last night / early this morning, was one of Those ones again. I Dreamed all the details. But I still don't know what it's supposed to mean. Maybe typing it out will shed some light, I don't know.

I was going about my life, and She was in town. Not because of me, it was my impression that She was in town to see someone. In the Dream, at the time, I thought it was an "internet boyfriend". Apparently, for whatever reason, it was my impression that She got dumped. Although, it is possible that it was the other way around. I ran into Her unexpectedly. It was awkward, as it always is. I never know how to act, or what to do with my hands. It's weird, how They are so much more than us (more than even those of us who are already more), but also so similar. I assume that it is because we (as a whole) are only able to detect a certain amount of Them. Like... How you can only see the tip of the iceberg, and the vast power and mystery of it remains hidden. That is the only way I can imagine it.

As always, She took a guise that was vaguely familiar to me, so that I could understand. She made it apparent to me that due to this (idk what to call it) 'falling out' that She had with whoever it was that She was in town to see, that She had no other plans, and no backup. We talked and She reminded me that She has known me for my entire life, and that I have known her for half mine (this is somehow approximate, because I do not believe that They see time [or life] in the same ways that we do, so I am going more with feeling here, because the words and images are abstract in an indescribable way)

This prompted me to offer my company and assistance. She accepted, and we left. I wish I could explain how... I don't even have words... I guess intoxicating and sensual Their presence can be (of course it can also be terrifying, but I assume that They can turn that knob to the settings that They see fit). It is beyond me to actually convey, in words, what it's like. It must be like Elf Radiation times several million.

At any rate, we were in my car, traveling. This twisted and went through the span of what seemed like several different vehicles, and many locations. Sometimes stopping, sometimes switching vehicles, and sometimes moving several vehicles at one time in different patterns.

Eventually we got... somewhere. I assume it was where I lived. There were people (no idea who) inside, waiting. People who needed me somehow, but I don't know why, although I know that it was not an emergency. She did that thing that She has done before, with the patterns and the clutter, and the bare expanses and everything wrapped together and positioned to make it divine, and honestly, this may be the moment when I actually recognized Her and saw Her for who She was.

It was staggering enough that it jarred me loose somehow. Idk if I woke up. or almost woke up, or fell deeper asleep, or if I became a horse in my sleep, or what happened exactly. The swirl became a jumble, became a hundred straight lines like spokes. I had to go, but I had to stay. I was in love, but I was insane with terror. I wanted freedom, but chose to live as a slave. Everything, all at once. She had limited time (or maybe I did?), but there were emergencies. It seemed as though I had left someone somewhere, and there was trouble. I had to go pick them up because things had gone wrong and they were in danger. I told Her that I would be back. I went and I was doing the thing, and it moved..

to me getting things ready to meet Her again. I had a stack of books, which were either picture books, or coloring books, I am not sure which. I had 2 sweater boxed with dangerous snakes in them. I had some really delicious smelling roasted meat on skewers. I think it was to be some sort of pick-nick maybe. I was in a million places, carrying these items through a million scenes and scenarios, but always moving forward, to some goal. I made my way across my grandfather's yard, toward the shop. I was interrupted by my brother, and his friend. As I focused on them, and whatever they needed, my attention slipped from my own affairs.

Suddenly, the boxes were down, and the snakes were loose. As the spread themselves, and opened their hoods, they anthropomorphocised in vague and dangerous ways. They filled me with horror and a sense of them being deeply dangerous beyond my ability to reckon. I collected what I could of my books and BBQ, and headed for the shop door again.

As I looked down, the books began to crumble and slip from my hands until they were all gone and decayed and wet and destroyed. I was becoming upset because all the things that I was bringing to Her were coming undone. I still had my BBQ meat on skewers, so I slogged onward. The yard had become wet, like after / during a hurricane, and there was water everywhere. As I tried to make my way to the door, I saw all my BBQ in a deep puddle, the meat leisurely floating off of the stick, ruined.

I reached the door, now empty handed. As I opened it, I was back in the million other places and scenarios again, everything swirling and mixing, until it peaked and dumped me back into a swirl of Her presence again. Less physical this time, or maybe... less... precise? All the words that I know fail to mean enough to describe Their aspect.

This. Fleetingly forever. Eternally lasting only a few seconds. Everything in the history of Ever, and the absolute nothingness of Void, all at the same time. Sensory overload and the total numbness of a coma.


And that's it. I am awake, and here, and 'alone' is the only word that I can think of. Confused. I don't even know. I can't quantify or justify. Only testify.


I almost called in to work because of my allergies being so bad when I finally managed to get up.
poisonedgrace: (Default)
Dreamed last night about a different, but similar life. My people were there, lurking behind and below everything. They were being driven out by deforestation and gentrification. They gave me some warnings, including to beware of rich people (duh), and that you can tell a lot about a person from their hands, and to look out for certain things. They also said that many people are hung up on the world, but most of them can be awakened over time. To varying degrees. And, it may, or may not be worth it. Even if we are all going to die, and everything we attempt is completely fruitless, it is better to be defined as one who struggled and did not give up, rather than a lapdog.
poisonedgrace: (Default)
Steeped in steeples
Stolen in steel


I Dreamed last night that I was walking down a street in a city I have been to before in my dreams.
My mother was talking to a man and he was telling her that he had recently bought a house for my little brother as a gift.
He said that he had so much money it didn't matter.  Even though my brother had just bought his own house a bit before in this dream.

I was sad, because I had no house at all, and some people had 2, and other people had so much that they could give away more than I will ever have.

As I sat, a bit apart, listening to them and being sad and a touch bitter, I watched this mans two young Sons playing in the street.  They were blond and All American to the point of it being kind of stupid.  Between 7 and 10 years old.  

As They played, a Kitten came up to me.  Well, bigger than a kitten, but not a grown cat yet either.  A Teenager Cat.  He was yellow and orange.  He sat beside me and we looked at one another.  He introduced Himself and said that His name was "Super".  He said that He was named after His Mother who had been called "Super Eight" because She was born 8th.  He said that His Mother and I had been good friends, and I had always been kind to Her and the other cats.  He asked if I would follow Him, and I said of course.

We walked down an alley that opened to a drop down where a field lay.  We climbed down broken rocks and boulders to get down there, and walked along a paved drainage way through the field.

We came out of that area around dusk to a long low house that I have also been to before in dreams.  It sits on the ocean.  I have only ever seen the other sides of it until now.  We walked along the side where there is a sort of covering like a porch and the flooring is paved.

As we got closer, The Twins came past, still playing like they had been out in the street.  They went past us and down into the house.  The Third of The Twins came out of the house to speak to The Cat and I.  He said that His brothers sometimes gave Him trouble because He was different.  And He was.  He was shorter and a lot heavier in a chubby kid loves cake sort of way.  Brown hair in a nerdy bowl cut and thick glasses.  

I guess I gave Him the sort of pep talk that I would have liked when I was a kid (as if any of Them actually needed anything from me).  The house was different on the inside from what I remembered, but maybe I was just seeing it in a different area.


I woke up shortly after that and it all makes me wonder if The Twins father was anyone important.  I know he must have been, but I have no idea who.  I'm not even sure who The Cat was, and I don't really know what any of it meant.

Some folks are more clear than others...  That's for sure.





Dislike.

Jul. 12th, 2012 11:48 am
poisonedgrace: (</3)
I have a friend who is normally on line a lot.  She's been not online at all for about 2 months or so.  This is very unusual.  I've sent messages and tried to contact different ways.  Like many of us, she has.... various... issues or whatever. 

I tend to assume the worst.

Last night I had a dream that she was somehow trying to contact me.  I don't really remember any details because in the middle of the dream, I was awakened by the light in my room turning on.  I came awake and looked at the clock.  It was slightly after 4am.

Unsettling.

No reason the light should have turned on.  Unless... you know... she WAS trying to contact me :(

Dislike to the max.

I guess it's funny and ironic though.
I have straight disappeared from the internet for that long and longer before, too.  Deliberately so.

I could count on one hand all the people who ever bothered to try to seek me out and check if i was alive or not.

The number would be around 3, FYI.

I searched on the googs this morning to see if I could find an obit or anything on her, just in case, and I got no returns of that nature.

I guess that's good.

I guess I should stop caring about people.

Not like she was one of the 3 who bothered checking on me when I vanished, but still.
I guess that's what makes me who I am, eh?

old dreams

Mar. 6th, 2012 09:01 am
poisonedgrace: (Default)
So, I had this dream back in early December...
I tried to write it here, but LJ was broken, so I just wrote down some notes on it to post later.

I just now found my notes.

Rather than try to construct a narrative this long after the event, I will just present my notes, as-is

Here they are:

[Fri Dec 2 2011 10:22:22 AM]

i had a very specific and serious dream last night about a pangolin

i was gonna try to write about it, but my blog is down

i was in east tx and everyone was there
and we were camping or building a house or something
and i saw a pangolin in the bushes, and i was excited, and got my camera to get pics of it.
everyone kept making noises and scaring it and it was annoying me

when i got close enough, i could see it was an 'ancient species' of pangolin...
on the back end of it, it had quills like a porcupine sticking out between the scales
its arms had little feathers between the scales like a dinosaur like an archaeopteryx or a raptor or something, and it had little feathers along its 'bra strap' area
its nose was a little stumpier than real pangolin.

it could change colour and pattern / texture like a cuttlefish to blend in to its environment
but real slow, like a lizard, not fast like a cephalopod
it sat on eric's red bandanna and turned red with white and black paisleys and stuff
i was trying to get a lot of pictures of it
but everyone kept getting in the way and being loud
acting like this amazing creature wasn't an important thing to see.

i followed it all over.


That's the basics of the dream.  When I made these notes, I also researched a little bit about pangolins and found this:

"In pangolins, the section of the brain that relates to problem solving is highly developed. Although their problem solving ability is primarily used to find food in obscure locations, when kept in captivity pangolins are remarkable escape artists."

I found this to be really interesting.

Also, I have not changed the font or font size at all in this post, yet it is randomly ahowing up as all sorts of crazy things.  Weird, I think I will just leave it.

poisonedgrace: (</3)
Was expecting more lecturing (if not an out right beating) when I went to sleep again last night.

It didn't come.  Instead I just got a fairly gentle "You know we are right, you're being stupid."
It was the equivalent of "We aren't mad at you, Son... Just disappointed."
I'd almost rather take the beating.

I woke up at 5:00am sharp with a seriously terrible acid reflux flare.  It felt like I had swallowed some flaming porcupines and they were having a riot and trying to escape through my chest and throat.

I wallowed in misery until I had to get up and come to work, where here I sit.
Got a little food in me, and I seem to be a bit better.

I didn't really eat much yesterday, I guess.

That and I've been having a terrible ton of stress lately.

This time of year is always bad for me, because for some reason, my birthday makes me depressed.
I guess some people don't care about whatever it is you're going through though, and they're really quick to heap extra on you because of their own garbage. 

I wonder if I ever do that...  I feel like I am the one who always listens and tries to be here for everyone, even when I have my own crap.
I don't know.

I need to learn to not care any more.
Caring is for jerks.
The world doesn't work that way anymore.

I guess I never did fit into The World, or The Way It Works...
But sometimes....


Sometimes, I can tell that it's killing me.
poisonedgrace: (blurry - red)
Fell asleep earlier.
Got lectured like a repeat offender.
Haven't been lectured that harshly in a long time.
Then I woke up.

Even when I know I am doing wrong, and making shit worse for myself, why can't I stop?

I think I must be the stupidest creature that the good lord ever wiggled a gut into.
poisonedgrace: (Default)
Is this thing working again? 

I think it's been over a week since I was able to successfully log in to it for anything. 

I had a dream last night that I was trapped up in a tree, trying to avoid werewolves. 
I lived in a field with all these other people.  We basically lived in a small community around a campfire.  It was all very primitive, but in a post-apocalyptic way more than a cave-man way. 

Once a month, at the full moon, one or more werewolves would come from across the field and try to eat us all.  Some people would stay near the fire, and hope for the best, some would plan ahead and leave for a few days, usually to never make it back. 

For some reason the werewolves were VERY dumb and awkward, and unable to climb.  I would climb a tree and wait it out.  This particular time, my friend and I were up in the tree, the werewolf came and went, and every thing was fine.  The next night, we went up the tree again, but when it came back, it was different.  It was bigger and smarter and walked upright.  It got everyone around the fire, then tried to get us in the tree but failed.  The third night, it came back again.  It tried to get us all night, and when it would start to climb, I would kick its hands, or stab them with a small pocket knife.  I managed to cut off one of its pinky fingers.

Somehow there was a 4th night of the full moon.  This one was the worse.  It came back with a lot of friends and it's little werewolf family and stuff.  They were all like 90% person and only 10% wolf a this point, but they still wanted to eat us.  I was busy all night stabbing hands and slicing and gouging.  The tree was covered in blood and I was covered in blood and the main werewolf had lost an eye or 2, but the damage I did him kept repairing itself after a while.  His dad was there and giving him instructions, and he was very sinister.

At some point this night, my friend got some werewolf blood in her mouth which was apparently a bad thing because it made her crazy for a while.  It wasn't enough to turn her into a werewolf, but it made her wild and reckless for a good while which was dangerous and scary.

I knew they were coming back for a 5th night in a row, and I somehow managed to upgrade to a really sharp machete.  They got smart enough by then to start trying to burn the tree down though, so I'm not sure how much good it was going to do me. 


I woke up around then.

That dream was mostly early this morning, right before I had to get up.

But last night after I had been asleep for only a couple of hours, I woke up with an actual bad dream / experience (the werewolf one didn't really bother me).  It seemed as though there was a buzzing all around my head and all I could think of is that I was being harassed by 'bad spirits' while I was trying to sleep.  It seemed somehow like a swarm of mental fruit flies trying to invade my consciousness.  I had to muster a great deal of focus and energy to make it go away.

There's my adventures for last night.

poisonedgrace: (G.K.)
Saturday night, I had Dreams.  Very clear and specific.  Telling me I need to keep an eye out for images of rabbits.  I say 'images of' because I don't think it was meant to be literal or real / live rabbits.  I say 'keep an eye out' because it wasn't a warning, it was a 'heads up'.  Or an 'assignment' if you will.

There will be 2.  I am not sure if they are coming together or separately, but I suspect double.  I guess I will know it when I see it.
Or something...

Also, there were words carved in my wrist, and that was supposed to give me more information, but unfortunately, they were all in the Greek alphabet, and I can't remember what they looked like enough to even make the most basic attempt at looking it up.

There were a lot of other strange and assorted images, but that's the stuff that actually matters.
poisonedgrace: (zoom in)
         I've had dreams.  I haven't been remembering them very well.
Saw a ghost yesterday.  One brief second.  He was shorter than me, red shirt, brown hair.  Standing in my library when I got home from work, looking lost.  Just passing through.  But aren't we all?

Other than that?
Sprawling amounts of confusion, surety, doubt and confidence.  Cyclic and random, spiraling spiraling spiraling. 

Paper Moon Theory banging in my heart like the End Times.

Croì dubh, anàlaithe.

Life is a temporary condition.
And that's killing me lately.

Everyone is too much of a mess for everything.
Everything is too much of a mess for everyone.

Answer the question.
Question the answer.
Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.
Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat. 
Oontz oontz oontz.

That's the remix, y'all.
poisonedgrace: (Default)


    I had Dreams(and dreams) last night.  There were three distinct cycles, but they blended together into a long string, but possibly weakly so.  Much like the separate parts of the film "4 Rooms".

First, I was riding in a car with my brother and sister.  We were in some swampy land.  The car was some old Edsel or something similar.  We went around a big curve in the road and my sister saw an animal rehab place she had volunteered at before.  She wanted to go back and visit it, so after a bit we turned around. 

We had just driven over a dangerous bridge, and that's when we stopped to turn back.  A car behind us wiped out on the bridge and flipped over.  We got out to help, but there was a giant man inside the car.  He got out and easily turned the car over himself, then squeezed back inside and drove away while loading his shotgun (yeah, I don't know either).

We crossed the dangerous bridge again to go back to the shelter, and our car almost flipped over too.  I somehow stopped it from happening by standing up in the back seat.

We made it back to the place and went in.  It was filled with all sorts of sickley animals of all types.  I remember a collection of small alligators, a tank of various snakes, some fish and a lot of random hairy things.  Snouties galore.  We wandered around the large place for a while.  I remember random people working there and visiting.  Everything from children to the elderly.  I remember a mostly empty courtyard, but flooded with ankle deep swamp water.

I remember one of the tiny, yet very wide alligators REALLY wanted to bite my sister and we had to stop him.  I remember that one of the snakes was More Than It Seemed (and now it makes me wonder a lot, considering other elements).  It had an uncanny awareness ans intelligence, as well as some sort of magical powers.  It was pretending very hard to be normal though.  I remember that it was a distinct looking Royal Python.

There was a girl there whom I had seen several times as I wandered around the place.  She had big curly, reddish-blond hair, slightly longer than shoulder length.  She had more freckles than anyone I have ever seen in real life.  Each one was outlined with a border of a different colour.  Sometimes the border was a darker colour than the freckle, sometimes it was a light, but bold grey.  Sometimes it was both.

Someone (or something? I am not sure how it came to pass, but I remember a discussion, and a 'being forced') made me go talk to her.  This is where the dream transitioned into the second phase.  The area around us during our conversation slowly became a large bus terminal or an airport.  That sort of place with a lot of transient souls passing through and rows of seating.  We talked for a long time, and she was lovely and engaging.  We talked about her family, and how right after this her family was making her go to the rodeo, and about how badly she would like me to come with her, but how I was not allowed or accepted at the rodeo.

I told her that I had attended plenty of rodeos in my time (true) and about how I was able to go anywhere I want, because I can look after myself.  Apparently it was a different kind of rodeo.  We spoke for a long time, and I wish I could remember more of it.  Much like The Snake from phase 1, she was More Than She Seems, and also completely transparent in Who She Was, although it's not something we can address directly. 

She had to go, and before she left, she pointed me to the bus I was supposed to get on.

This is where it turns into the third phase of the dream.  I got on the bus.  It traveled through the swamp, and didn't pay too much attention to roads.  Someone was on there with me.  A woman, but she was veiled in shadow and I could not see her.  She had the same nature as The Girl With The Freckles, but different.  She told me important things, but I can not remember them all now.  I know what was going on though, ultimately. 

I remember a part where the bus just shot off through the water, going so fast that it was skipping across the top.  I looked out the windows and saw the land fade away.  I turned to Her and said "This is too far, there is no land this way, and we will sink.  Buses were not meant for this."  She pinned me to my seat with a stare and said "Your lack of faith in The Ultimate Outcome has always been one of your problems.  You are unable to see the pig picture at times, but you have to wait for it."

As She spoke, the bus started to sink.  I felt a panic building inside of me, but she just quietly waited.  I guess I would be a lot more calm too, if I were immortal and unending, but sadly, I'm still made of meat. 

Right when it seemed as though all were lost and the bus had no more momentum and it began to sink, the wheels grabbed something solid.  It went forward again and rolled up on a hill that was sticking out of the water like blessed Avalon.  There were a couple of structures here, and everything was lit by fire and torchlight.  I turned back to look at Her and saw her fading away into smoke and fog, dissipating into the ether, a smile on Her lips.

The bus doors opened behind me.

I walked out past the empty seats, leaving the driverless bus behind.  There was an open door with stairs that led down, a light coming from down there.  I shouldered my backpack and went in.  There was a foyer room with a hooded and shrouded figure there.  It pointed towards a shelf which held various people's personal effects and stood beside a door.  I placed my backpack on the shelf and went in.

I was greeted by a friend inside.  She was standing alone in her blue hair glory while two frat boys were goofing around on the other side of the room.  I smiled at her, and she said "It's about time, Hon.  We've got to get started."  Confused, I asked "Started with what?"  She pointed to a door and said "We have to go in there.  It's like a maze, and we have to get through it and survive."

I ran back to my backpack and started digging out some tools.  I had a tool kit with the basics, cutters, screwdrivers and crap.  I had a first aid kit and some other junk.  As I was digging it out, my friend laughed and said "Did you see our competition?" while gesturing to the frat boys.  I asked "It's a competition?!"  She replied "Of course, Hon.  Life always is, you have to survive, or you'll be eaten.  Those tools won't really help as much as you think.  You just have to believe in yourself more."

I put my stuff down, and we headed for The Door into the maze.

And that's it.  I woke up, directly into this world.  Which is not lost on me.

Being teamed and paired for the maze with my friend, given her line of work is not lost on me.

It is also not lost upon me that the dreams both started and ended with travel, roads and crossroad.

Loud & clear, Guys.

I guess at least my letter yesterday got answered.  Maybe that's what I have.  A Direct Line.  Still not sure if being a Horse is a good or a bad thing though.  But that would be my trust issues showing themselves now, wouldn't it?
poisonedgrace: (Default)


   Last night there were Dreams.
It was a good disguise.  If I did not know my dreams better, then I would have not seen through it.  And I didn't until I had been awake for a while.  I like that the two of You took "matching" guises.  I got the symbolisms, even if I am unsure of the direction.  Boiling it down, I did and I kept doing and I didn't resent it.  I had wanted to talk to You more, that's where my intent and interest was, but I left You behind because You asked for assistance.  I traveled with You, helping look for whatever-it-was that You were after.  When the way was rough, I tried to smooth it.  When You "couldn't", I did for You.  I carried You across the water so that Your fine things would not get wet.  I bore You on my back when You wanted (this part was not lost on me, in any way). 

I am completely unsure about The Madness at the end.  I do not know if it was my brain being jumbled from too much exposure, or it it was part of the lesson.

Whatever that might have been.

Your subtleties are too much for me to understand sometimes.


Sometimes all I can do is keep a faithful chronicle of the things that come to pass.

poisonedgrace: (the sigil)


   Not sure which nightmare was worse, the one about the Bear Monster God, or the one about you.

I was at my Grampa's old house, but more like it used to be when people were alive and living there.  There was the usual bustle around the place of diverse people doing diverse things.  Me & Cam were playing some game on a television.  The graphics were top notch, so I reckon of was some 360 game.  Cam was manning the controls and I was sort of watching and back-seat-driving.  The setting was some frozen wastes in a fantasy world, and I think he was in charge of some sort of Dwarf Army.  I remember a little armour clad, red-bearded dwarf with a battle-axe who was doing something.  Along came a part with bears.  Polar Bears of some sort.  Some were evil, and some were good. 

There were waves upon waves of these smaller stringy looking were-bear things besieging our intrepid heroes.  They were larger than man-sized, but not really super huge or anything.  Sort of skinny and mannish for bears.  I guess that was the 'were' part :P

Along with them were some trained attack bears.  They looked different of course 'cause they were regular polar bears, only some of them had light armour, or barding, or were even carrying packs or supplies to some mild degree.  They were less common than the numerous were-bears.  Scattered even more rarely among them were some very large were-bear sort of things.  They were a lot bigger, bulkier and heavily armoured.  They always went on 2 feet and had big 2-handed weapons like axes and clubs.  Nothing with finesse, but with plenty of smash.  They waded about doing just that.  They would get in a frenzy and smash so much that their sweeping attacks would even cleave their fellow raiders.  They were given a wide berth because of it.

Our guys were getting overwhelmed and the horizon was thick with enemy troops.  Cam asked if it was a good time to call in our Bear Monster God.  I said that it seemed like the best time.  Then, upon the screen appeared our secret weapon.

The were-bears came about to his knees, with the regular polar-bears only slightly larger.  Even the big bad berserker bears only came to his waist.  He was massive and thick.  Exactly what you'd expect from him.  He had an odd collection of scrap armour and he sometimes moved on two legs, and sometimes on all four.

He waded into the thick of battle, an unstoppable force.  The white expanse was stained red with blood and chunks of the enemy.  He swept them away an armload at a time, but more would close in because they were stacked to the horizon.  Soon red was everywhere and he had were-bears clamped on to him, their mouths filled with his muscles, refusing to let go, swinging wildly as he continued his attacks.  He would pause when he got 3 or 4 of them (enough to weigh him down) and rip them off, or squeeze-pop them like bloated ticks.

We were pretty impressed with his destructive powers.  No matter how many of them came at him, he scarcely slowed in his relentless bloodbath.  I think bear game is a pretty cool guy. eh kills the were-bears and doesn't afraid of anything.

As we were really settling into our long haul of pixelated carnage, the electricity blinked off for a moment or two.  Not an uncommon occurrence in this setting, but a bummer for games.  We figured we'd go do something else for a bit because  dinner was ready, and who knew when we even saved last.

As we went into the other room, we heard some thunderous sound behind us.  As we looked, we saw the Bear Monster God wade into the living room.  He was not nearly as large as his game counterpart, being only (lol 'only' is a strange concept for something THAT huge) the size of a real life polar bear.  He was not as armoured either, but I do get the idea he was wearing something, even though I am not sure what.  It was hard to see what all he was wearing because he was covered in so much blood.

As he stood on his hind legs, he had a great bib of gore from his muzzle down his chest all the way to his knees.  He had random blood and gore splatters elsewhere.  He let loose a mighty roar and rushed at us.  We ran to the left past the bathroom and the pantry room and out the door into the side yard.  He chased us, crashing and scattering anything in his way.  We immediately took a hard left through the gate, shutting it behind us.  another hard left had us at the front door.  We went through it to end up back in the living room.  Cam barred the door and I ran to the side door which we had just gone through a moment before.  I shut and barred that, successfully locking the monster outside. 

We were terrified and confused and breathing hard, but still alive.
We could hear the monster pacing outside, back and forth between the two doors, waiting for a way in.  In The Real, a polar bear could easily push that shit in and waltz right into the house, but for some reason, this one couldn't.  I think it was some magic thing like with (real [as in 'legit and traditional', not as in plays too many WW RPGs and has a psychosis'], not 'glittery') vampires.  He roared and paced, sometimes coming up to the door and even shaking the house, but he was not allowed to simply crash it down.

None of this was the scary part.
The scary part was when he started calling out my name.

He would range from a loud frenzied screaming, to a soft begging whisper.  Everything from violent threats and demands, to sweetly spoken promises to lure me out.  He did this loudly and long.  His voice could range from the thundering Voice of a God, down to a lace and ribboned 6 year old trying to sell you girlscout cookies.  We would occasionally peek out of a window or a peeohole to see him shuffling, sniffing and walking about (sometimes on 2, sometimes on 4), still covered in gore and licking his lips. 

After a while he fell silent and we couldn't see him anymore.

I am not sure if someone was arriving at the property, or if someone was trying to leave and get help.  I know that all through this, we were not the only people there, but I can't remember any details on what anyone else was doing specifically.  So, with the people who were either arriving, and/or going for help, we needed to be sure that a path from the front door to the cars was clear so they could make it in/out.

We opened the front door and then immediately slammed it really hard to attract his attention, then we ran through the house to the side door and ran out it into the side yard.  We immediately scrambled up on top of the roof.

He came tearing around from the front yard, where he had gone to see why the door had slammed and he saw us on the roof.  He paced back and forth a bit snarling and talking shit (I wish I could remember and specific quotes he had said, other than calling my name, because they were really scary)

We caught our breath a bit on the roof and made sure we kept his attention while whoever-it-was in the front did whatever-it-was they needed to do.  After a couple minutes of his pacing, he gathered himself and leapt up onto the roof with us.  We had an "OH SHIT" moment, because for some reason, we didn't think he could do that.  We ran and I remember jumping over some gaps like from one roof to another, even though in The Real, the roof is all one solid piece.  But it's always like that in The Dreaming, so it wasn't odd or out of place at the time.

We ran towards the front and dropped down and ran in the door.  He was too close to us so we couldn't shut the door.  We ran straight through the house and out the side door, with the beast hot on our tails.  As we passed through the living / dining room, we saw everyone else standing in that room, frozen in fear.  We ran through, with an 'oh shit, the monster is going to eat everyone' moment.  The monster looked at them and kept chasing us.  He didn't care about anyone but me.  It was only my name that he ever called, and he didn't even pause or consider anything else.

Realizing that made me stumble a bit while we were scrambling up on the roof and I slipped, almost falling into his clutches, but Cam grabbed me and hauled me up.  He then dropped off the side to go in the front door and get it ready to close it while I stayed outside on the roof as bait.

The Bear Monster God jumped on the roof and I ran.  I jumped down and zoomed back through the door, which Cam had ready.  He slammed it, locked it and put up the bars.  The side door was already protected, so we were back to where we had been before.

The bear let out a long howl, then started in on calling my name again, but somehow it was even more horrifying this time.
  I actually woke up at this point, fussing and fighting and saying "Don't let it get me!" out loud.

As for the other dream...
I really can't decide if it was the more horrifying one.

I won't go into as many details, because it's the sort of nightmare that I actually hate, as opposed to the Bear Monster God one which I don't mind at all.

I was driving through town, or some version of town in The Dreaming.  I had a girl in the passenger seat.  Someone I knew fairly well, but didn't see often.  An Internet friend I'd imagine.  I was showing her the town and stuff because she had never been, and was considering moving. 

As we drove along, something upsetting happened, but I'm not sure what it was.  It caused me to drive a bit recklessly and after a bit, I pulled over to calm down.  As we talked a bit, we realized that we had pulled over in a very strange place.  It was late at night (or early in the morning?) and dark out.  We were in a yard filled with art, junk, antiques and strange artifacts.  we got out and snooped around some, finding a wonderland of awesome things. 

I got a call that I needed to go to a certain location and pick my family up.  This seemed somehow linked to whatever the upsetting thing earlier had been.  So we drove there and my friend waited in the car while I doubtfully approached the door to the place.  I tried to gain access as quietly as possible because I did not like the entire setup.

I made it in, and saw a long dark hallway which ended in a flight of stairs going up to the rest of the building.  There were doors on each side.  I looked into one, and you were there, sleeping.  You were on a couch entwined with someone else, also sleeping.  I was careful and silent, as to not wake you.  You've avoided me long and hard enough that the last thing I wanted was to speak to you if there was any possibility of being remotely indebted to you due to whatever this situation was which caused me to need to come here to pick up my family.  And I especially didn't want to have to talk to you while you were sleeping naked with someone on a couch.

I slipped out of the room and back into the hallway.  I composed myself and headed for the next door down to see what there might be.  As I was about to open the door, I heard a noise from the top of the stairs and looked to my right and up.

I saw my family descending the stairs and I waited for them, making a gesture for them to be quiet.  I was hopeful that I could get them to the car, and home without having to see you at all. 

They reached the bottom of the stairs, and I confirmed that they were OK and had their stuff together, and I prepared to lead them out.  As I was about to turn around, I saw my Mom's eyes flicker past me over my shoulder.  With a deep sense of dread, I turned around to face you.

There you were, in the middle of the hallway.  Naked from head to toe, but that's no surprise as you and Modesty were always complete strangers.  An entire army of emotions marched across your face in the time it takes to blink your eyes twice.

I mumbled an awkward 'Thank you' and looked away from you with my heart in a knot and my eyes locked on the floor.  I shuffled past you on the left, down the hallway towards the door.  My mom spoke to you as the family filed past.  Something low that I couldn't hear, but it was friendly and amicable, as was your response.  I didn't look up, because it was all a motorcade of daggers in my soul, but I knew that the two of you had bonded somehow.  Insult to injury.

I held the door as everyone went out to the car.  I made the mistake of glancing up, but luckily I didn't see you.  Instead I saw your Couch Partner, still asleep, as bare as you were.  A crescendo of twisting innards and I stepped back into the crisp night are and silently closed the door behind me.  Feeling a tiny sense of relief at the even insubstantial barrier between us.  

A deep breath and I headed for the car where I saw my friend helping my family into the car.  Good, we could leave immediately and get everyone home and have the entire ordeal over with.  I'm still not sure what the issue had been, but it felt like an accident or crisis of a pretty solid order.

Three steps (go figure) and your hand was on my shoulder.  As silent as the night you had made it through the door and right up to me, never setting off my Personal Space alarm.  Not many people can do that.  I can't decide if I hate you for it. 

As you touched me, I got a psychic flash of a million things.  Your life.  Your lies.  Your truth.  Your history, future, dreams and ideas.  Everything streaming past like paparazzi flash montage.  I saw that you had changed your hair.  a sort of mohawk thing.  I saw that your partner did not know.  You'd been hiding it.  You looked old.  Both somehow looked good on you.  You were you and not you and everything and nothing all at once.

It made my every atom sing out in agony.  I looked directly at you, and into your eyes for the first time in.... forever.  A forever of forevers. 
And I was falling.  Milton's Angels down from heaven didn't fall such as this.  The entire world wept and spun, hitched and lurched.  This is the primordial soup that the Big Bang left behind and it grew universes.

I opened my mouth but no words came out.  I tried again.  Two more times (go figure).
There was nothing within me capable of articulation.  I could type for 40 days about all the emotions and thoughts presented simultaneously inside me at that exact moment, but even that biblical flood of words would not begin to do any of the jumble justice.

I eventually mumbled another 'Thank you' and added a '"you know... for helping my family and calling me."

I pulled to leave, removing your hand from my shoulder.  I could breathe better.
I turned again to go.

Then, the dream of you had more truth, honesty, courage, decency and ....humanity (for a lack of a better word.  Vocabulary is so lacking for creatures such as you and I) than the 'real' you ever has.  You opened your mouth and said 'You're welcome.'

I took another step.  You spoke my name.  I cringed.  You said "But we can't be..." 
I said "I know.  I've known for a long time.  Go ahead and say it, you should at least have the guts to get it out."
You finished after a lengthy pause ".....friends any more."

I laughed the frightful laugh of a madman and walked towards my car.
I'm not sure if a weight had been lifted, or if the horse-hair holding the sword had finally snapped.

One or the other.

And sometimes, it's all the same.


I woke up again then.  Tossed and turned until morning.

Well, I lied a little.  I had not meant to go into as much detail on that second dream as I ended up doing.
Maybe it's good to get it all out.

More likely it doesn't matter as nothing really ever does.
 

poisonedgrace: (Default)
_  


It's been a while, but last night, I had a Dream.  I Dreamed of Twins.  They had a sense of humour to be sure, in Their subtle way of presenting Themselves.  The method of communication was strange to me, since I've never seen Them before.  From what I learn upon waking, I can't say I am surprised. 

Given the way that my mind has been working lately, that might even make sense.  Probably been thinking some things lately that I shouldn't have been.  So of course when I start thinking about the Dream logically enough to make sense of it, and piece it together, lo and behold, it is pieced together.  The Twins had a mother (or a step mother, or mother-in-law, not sure, really) which is sort of funny in and of itself I guess.  The mother-figure was cruel to Them, or at least tried to be.  She treated Them poorly.  I think Their plots, secrets and pranks usually won out though.  Upon waking, I didn't get it right off, but after a touch of reading, the lesson here is so obvious that it makes me laugh.

We were in some strange place.  Only it wasn't really a place.  Or rather to be more accurate, it was several (or more) places at once.  Everyone was there.  All of you.  Every single last one of you was there, at least briefly.  Coming, going, fading and glowing, sometimes winking out forever, but still there, no matter how brief.  Maybe this place, in being so many places at once was really just a fraction of everywhere that each one of you actually are, just layered on top of one another with likenesses being more prominent into the whole scheme of it all.  This place was deliberately safe from the dark and the rain.  One of the doors was open at one point, and I had to briefly go out into the Uncreation for Them.  There was something I had to bring back, but I am not sure what it was.

I made it back, but through a different entry, into a different place than the one I had left, but it was still the same.  Maybe it was a different time.  Whatever it was that I had brought made Them laugh because it was a thwart against the mother-figure.  A small thing, but we must remember that life is made of those small things.

I was aware of the Twins, even though They usually only appeared one at a time, and possibly more One than the Other, but that could have been a prank too.  The nature of how They chose to appear was interesting.  One was very outgoing and funny, in a totally nerdy / geeky way, very engaging.  The Other was very quiet and athletic, tended to keep a bit more distant and be a lot more thoughtful and observant.


At first I was a bit confused upon waking, because the forms They chose did not seem very... typical?  If such a thing could possibly be applied in this situation, which I honestly doubt that it could.  But upon reflection, I see exactly why, and I agree that it was the best choice because anything else could have been more easily written off as a simple reflection of the regular world, but making it into a singularity unlike any experiences I have a foundation in, it commands notice.  Assuming that waking up with the knowing wouldn't quantify it enough.  But then I suppose that it's all part and parcel of the same thing.

Children, ancient beyond measure, both More Than and Counted Among.  The irony here is not lost on me. 


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poisonedgrace: (Default)
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It's been a while, but last night, I had a Dream.  I Dreamed of Twins.  They had a sense of humour to be sure, in Their subtle way of presenting Themselves.  The method of communication was strange to me, since I've never seen Them before.  From what I learn upon waking, I can't say I am surprised. 

Given the way that my mind has been working lately, that might even make sense.  Probably been thinking some things lately that I shouldn't have been.  So of course when I start thinking about the Dream logically enough to make sense of it, and piece it together, lo and behold, it is pieced together.  The Twins had a mother (or a step mother, or mother-in-law, not sure, really) which is sort of funny in and of itself I guess.  The mother-figure was cruel to Them, or at least tried to be.  She treated Them poorly.  I think Their plots, secrets and pranks usually won out though.  Upon waking, I didn't get it right off, but after a touch of reading, the lesson here is so obvious that it makes me laugh.

We were in some strange place.  Only it wasn't really a place.  Or rather to be more accurate, it was several (or more) places at once.  Everyone was there.  All of you.  Every single last one of you was there, at least briefly.  Coming, going, fading and glowing, sometimes winking out forever, but still there, no matter how brief.  Maybe this place, in being so many places at once was really just a fraction of everywhere that each one of you actually are, just layered on top of one another with likenesses being more prominent into the whole scheme of it all.  This place was deliberately safe from the dark and the rain.  One of the doors was open at one point, and I had to briefly go out into the Uncreation for Them.  There was something I had to bring back, but I am not sure what it was.

I made it back, but through a different entry, into a different place than the one I had left, but it was still the same.  Maybe it was a different time.  Whatever it was that I had brought made Them laugh because it was a thwart against the mother-figure.  A small thing, but we must remember that life is made of those small things.

I was aware of the Twins, even though They usually only appeared one at a time, and possibly more One than the Other, but that could have been a prank too.  The nature of how They chose to appear was interesting.  One was very outgoing and funny, in a totally nerdy / geeky way, very engaging.  The Other was very quiet and athletic, tended to keep a bit more distant and be a lot more thoughtful and observant.


At first I was a bit confused upon waking, because the forms They chose did not seem very... typical?  If such a thing could possibly be applied in this situation, which I honestly doubt that it could.  But upon reflection, I see exactly why, and I agree that it was the best choice because anything else could have been more easily written off as a simple reflection of the regular world, but making it into a singularity unlike any experiences I have a foundation in, it commands notice.  Assuming that waking up with the knowing wouldn't quantify it enough.  But then I suppose that it's all part and parcel of the same thing.

Children, ancient beyond measure, both More Than and Counted Among.  The irony here is not lost on me. 


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