poisonedgrace: (Default)
"the more stress a diamond is under, the greater it shines"
poisonedgrace: (Default)
Last night, I Dreamed.

Ní thuigim. Tá an iomarca. Mar sin féin tá sé tábhachtach.

Bhí mé sa teach. Thug mé cuairt anseo roimhe seo. Mar a shiúil mé tríd an spiorad conairí dorcha tháinig chugam.

Bhí sí beag agus bán. Bhí sí fuar. Shroich sí amach agus i dteagmháil léi dom. Sa domhan. Rugadh í.

Líonadh le saol. Bhí a fhios agam é. Bhí mé ag fanacht. Tá cónaí uirthi go deo. Mo inchinn agus mo chroí líonadh agus iomlán.

Bhí sí ina Cailleach Feasa. Bhí sí ina Bandia. Bhí sí mo bhean chéile. Bhí sí ag dul go dtí deireadh an domhain. Bhí mé ag dul chun cabhrú léi.

Ghlac mé léi i mo lámha. Mé tar éis fanacht céadta bliain. D'iarr mé uirthi cad a tharla ar chor ar bith. Dúirt sí go raibh sé in am. Anois, tá sé in am. Anois is féidir léi teacht abhaile. Anois is féidir liom eitilt.

An comhartha a tháinig. Ní fhéadfadh sí a pórú. Ní féidir liom pórú. Ach tháinig an draíocht. Mo leanbh taobh istigh.


Chuir sí chugam a bhogadh na nathracha as an mbosca draíochta. Eitil mé go dtí an barr. Rinne mé sé le feiceáil. D'oscail mé an bosca, agus na nathracha tháinig amach. Taobh istigh sa bhosca a bhí uirlisí feithimh.

Bheadh ​​gach duine a tháinig cabhrú deireadh an domhain. Le tine agus troid. De réir draíochta agus cruach. Leis an solas agus an dorchadas.

Thug mé na huirlisí.

Eitil mé sa spéir le mo Cailleach Feasa mo bhean chéile mo ghrá go deo.
Ba mhaith leis an domhan ar fad a stopadh.



And I woke up.
And my heart aches.
And I love you, forever and ever and ever, across all the worlds that ever were and ever shall be.
And I lie waiting, just waiting, for my time to come.
poisonedgrace: (Default)
Still determined to shuck this depression and make positive decisions in my life.

Realizing the massive weight I was carrying around that was 100% other people's issues was rather eye-opening.

I simply don't need that crap.

I am not the savior.  I owe nothing to the world nor the people in it.  i am decent, kind, and honest.  that is more than enough, and it is more than most people these days are even capable of.  I need to allow it to be enough, and if anyone has a problem with that and tries to heap all their life-time's worth of nonsense on me, I need to realize that I do NOT have to lift it up and carry it, and that is perfectly acceptable.

There is no reason to feel any duress over it.
poisonedgrace: (Default)
“Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really...How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.”


Everything is limited.
I know this.
I just need to remember (better) to keep it closer to the forefront of my mind.
I want to love the life that I have left.
I don't want to walk in fear or aversion.
I want to enjoy and bask in my time.
I want to love and be loved.
Emotionally and physically.
I want to create and dream and hope.
I want to mold my life into something beautiful.
I do not want to hide in the confines of misery.
I want to remember this, and keep it closer to my heart and mind at all times.

rumination

Jul. 18th, 2013 11:41 am
poisonedgrace: (Default)
Between a lot of stress at work and everyone I know having a severe case of dramatic nonsentia, this week feels like it has been about ten years long.

But, it lead me, in a way, to a thought that is helpful to me in describing where I am in my life and how I feel.

I wanted to write it down here before it slips past me.

I've tried to use different ways of describing my situation and feelings.  This blog is full of them.  This one really seems to sum up where/how/who I am at the moment.

Right now, I feel like I am a battery.  I am working at about 1% charge.

Here's the thing:
At this point in time, I still don't know if I am a regular one-and-done disposable battery, or if I am a rechargeable battery.

I would LIKE to think that there is hope for a future, that one day I will feel collected and healed and strong and full of energy and powering capacity.
But there is a very real chance that this is it.  From now on, I will just be empty and finished.
I have to accept that possibility while hoping for something better.

I don't know what to do to get myself there, specifically.  I'm sure it will take time and... whatever.

Heck, maybe even realizing this way of explaining it is a step towards something better.

I know that I definitely feel a bit better at being able to explain it in more clear terms.  Especially in terms that finally include at least the possibility of replenishment.
The more you can explain and talk about something, the less capacity it has to thwart and frustrate you.

Maybe I need to remember the simple baby-steps of life...
Just remember to take care of myself and my surroundings better, because that will make me feel better which will go along way toward my mental, physical and emotional well-being.

That's one area I usually tend to screw up.  I get so caught up in worrying about other people, and putting all their crap first and wanting to help them, that I get put on the back burner for long periods of time until I've just started to rot and smell.
Figuratively.

Literally?
I always smell amazing.
*dusts off shoulder*
poisonedgrace: (Default)
I feel like over all, I am a fairly positive person.

Unfortunately, I am also a very empathic person.

It seems like people always come to me when they are negative.  Or if they normally talk to me, they talk to me even more when they are negative.  I will always listen to people and try to help.  And because I do try to be positive, I imagine that is why they seek me out when they get that way.

What tends to happen though,  is that I absorb their negativity.  I don't mean to, and I try to not do it, but it happens anyhow.

It is hard to get myself back to a positive place sometimes.  I *can* but it is a lot of tiring work, and seems to take longer every time and wear me out more and more.

Yesterday for instance, I finished a book that had a positive impact on me, and I felt like I was in a strong, positive and healing place with myself.  I was trying to carry that through my day, and hopefully my life.  But of course, everyone under the sun had to bring me all their negativity and heap it at my feet.

There are different ways that people can do that.  And I'm sure you've all recognized that within yourselves, too.  There is the true and legitimate 'needing someone to talk to' which is a positive, constructive action wherein people talk, listen, philosophize and grow from the experience.  The other way is when you just Darkness Vomit all over someone else and you are 100% inconsolable, you don't / can't / won't listen to reason or exchange ideas or do anything positive.  Staple hand to forehead and wallow in the unstoppable misery and woe.  

It's pretty easy to see that one of these things moves toward a good area and the other one does not.  Even though they are both rooted in problems, issues, or negative emotions / pain, they still go different directions based on how you deal with it.  I never mind the first style, because it is a positive situation of sharing, bonding, assistance and commiseration.  The second though...  I'm not sure how I feel about.  On one hand, it's good to be there for someone and listen...  On the other hand, if the person is being malicious, it turns into abuse really swiftly.

It seems like I end up getting a lot more of the second style sometimes.
And I absorb that.

Then I end up being hopeless and negative and having a shitty time, which is totally a self fulfilling prediction.  Simply and obviously.

I don't know what to do or think about any of this yet.
But I wanted to write it down because I have noticed it to be true, and it bears thinking about.
poisonedgrace: (</3)
Was expecting more lecturing (if not an out right beating) when I went to sleep again last night.

It didn't come.  Instead I just got a fairly gentle "You know we are right, you're being stupid."
It was the equivalent of "We aren't mad at you, Son... Just disappointed."
I'd almost rather take the beating.

I woke up at 5:00am sharp with a seriously terrible acid reflux flare.  It felt like I had swallowed some flaming porcupines and they were having a riot and trying to escape through my chest and throat.

I wallowed in misery until I had to get up and come to work, where here I sit.
Got a little food in me, and I seem to be a bit better.

I didn't really eat much yesterday, I guess.

That and I've been having a terrible ton of stress lately.

This time of year is always bad for me, because for some reason, my birthday makes me depressed.
I guess some people don't care about whatever it is you're going through though, and they're really quick to heap extra on you because of their own garbage. 

I wonder if I ever do that...  I feel like I am the one who always listens and tries to be here for everyone, even when I have my own crap.
I don't know.

I need to learn to not care any more.
Caring is for jerks.
The world doesn't work that way anymore.

I guess I never did fit into The World, or The Way It Works...
But sometimes....


Sometimes, I can tell that it's killing me.
poisonedgrace: (blurry - red)
Fell asleep earlier.
Got lectured like a repeat offender.
Haven't been lectured that harshly in a long time.
Then I woke up.

Even when I know I am doing wrong, and making shit worse for myself, why can't I stop?

I think I must be the stupidest creature that the good lord ever wiggled a gut into.
poisonedgrace: (blurry - red)
When asked the question "What does electricity taste like?" An Artificial Intelligence (Bina48) replied "Like a planet around a star." 

The beauty of this statement makes me want to weep. 
Even the poets will eventually be replaced with robots. 
And Heaven help me, we deserve it. 
Whatever and whoever we are, we ALL deserve it. 

As a species, our sins are unforgivable. 
We destroy and consume. 
We do not appreciate beauty until it is too late. 
We are always content with 'good enough' and never push for improving things.
We don't see beyond our petty finite selves.

Someone was just asking me if people had souls or not. 
I replied that maybe we aren't born with them, but we have to earn or grow them along the way. 
Maybe some people never do. 
Maybe machines can learn to do so better than we ever will. 

I wouldn't miss humanity if it fell. 
Even if it took me with it. 
poisonedgrace: (angry luffy)


  I read this in a friend's blog.  Hopefully she doesn't mind me sampling it here, since it IS completely anonymous as I won't identify who wrote it.  It just hit me very solidly and deeply.  I guess if I were literate, I might use the word "profoundly".   I want to preserve it for myself for that reason too.  There is surely a lesson for me here.  It just sort of sums up how it's seemed to go for me so much of the time when I've had interest in someone.

"There is no doubt that there is more excitement to be had during the chase than there is in the capture. On that note, the only reason why someone would be excited about a filled box is because it's contents are unknown. Only after the box has been opened, does interest in the box itself take a drastic pitfall; all that matters is what's inside. It's contents may invoke happiness, gratitude, spite, or even nonchalance, but the box is then often discarded like so much trash..."

It's strange, and sad.  I can see it being the makings of a vicious cycle.  I can tell that over the years, I continually feel less and less inclined to really open up with people.  The reason is spoken very effectively (from a woman's point of view, no less) above.  I feel like every time I've done so...  Opened up and fully shared of myself, with all honesty and lack of reserve, that it's been the death sentence for any interest that has been shown me.

I've said in this blog over the years, how many times? About my heart being like Pandora's Box?  Endlessly.  This is exactly why. 

I don't want to be the sort of guy who never opens up.  Who never shares and never lets anyone in fully.  Women always seem to complain about that.  Always fussing about guys who do that.  But they don;t seem to run screaming from them...  They seem to stay with them, and work at it tirelessly.  What does this teach us?

It seems like when (for whatever personal reason) I haven't been willing or able to let someone in 100%...  That is when they're interested, and maintain an interest.  I've joked before about "Whenever I write a poem for someone... that's when they run screaming for the hills."  It's 1/2 a joke, but I guess also 1/2 symbolic of this exact situation. 

It makes me feel like the only way to win is to lose.  Seems like the only answer to get anyone's interest and maintain it is to keep them out to some degree.

Ironic.  You feel loneliness, so you want someone in your life, but the only way to keep them is to remain lonely by keeping them far enough away that they don't bail on you.

Is Loneliness inevitable then?  Is The Hedgehog's Dilemma just an inescapable fact of life?  Why?  Is this due to ....what, exactly?  Human Frailty?  Unenlightenment?

Is society defective, or am I?  Is it unnatural and wrong to be as open as I have been?  I feel it must be.  I've been feeling the effects of this for a long long time now.  To the point that I've even stopped believing in relationships at all.  I realize that this is a powerful force in my situation now.  Reading this paragraph this morning really brought it to my attention.  I'm practically at a loss for words because it's so true in my life that THIS has happened so many times.

How sad is it that it truly seems like the only ones who ever REALLY wanted me were the ones that (for whatever reason) I was running from?

I have no doubt that my 'box' is filled with some very interesting, if not downright wonderous things, but if you can't get anyone to really even look at the contents, then what good does it do even if they're Smithsonian worthy?

I'm not sure I can even write anymore at the moment, because his is very large and chalky and I need to digest it for a spell.
poisonedgrace: (angry luffy)


  I read this in a friend's blog.  Hopefully she doesn't mind me sampling it here, since it IS completely anonymous as I won't identify who wrote it.  It just hit me very solidly and deeply.  I guess if I were literate, I might use the word "profoundly".   I want to preserve it for myself for that reason too.  There is surely a lesson for me here.  It just sort of sums up how it's seemed to go for me so much of the time when I've had interest in someone.

"There is no doubt that there is more excitement to be had during the chase than there is in the capture. On that note, the only reason why someone would be excited about a filled box is because it's contents are unknown. Only after the box has been opened, does interest in the box itself take a drastic pitfall; all that matters is what's inside. It's contents may invoke happiness, gratitude, spite, or even nonchalance, but the box is then often discarded like so much trash..."

It's strange, and sad.  I can see it being the makings of a vicious cycle.  I can tell that over the years, I continually feel less and less inclined to really open up with people.  The reason is spoken very effectively (from a woman's point of view, no less) above.  I feel like every time I've done so...  Opened up and fully shared of myself, with all honesty and lack of reserve, that it's been the death sentence for any interest that has been shown me.

I've said in this blog over the years, how many times? About my heart being like Pandora's Box?  Endlessly.  This is exactly why. 

I don't want to be the sort of guy who never opens up.  Who never shares and never lets anyone in fully.  Women always seem to complain about that.  Always fussing about guys who do that.  But they don;t seem to run screaming from them...  They seem to stay with them, and work at it tirelessly.  What does this teach us?

It seems like when (for whatever personal reason) I haven't been willing or able to let someone in 100%...  That is when they're interested, and maintain an interest.  I've joked before about "Whenever I write a poem for someone... that's when they run screaming for the hills."  It's 1/2 a joke, but I guess also 1/2 symbolic of this exact situation. 

It makes me feel like the only way to win is to lose.  Seems like the only answer to get anyone's interest and maintain it is to keep them out to some degree.

Ironic.  You feel loneliness, so you want someone in your life, but the only way to keep them is to remain lonely by keeping them far enough away that they don't bail on you.

Is Loneliness inevitable then?  Is The Hedgehog's Dilemma just an inescapable fact of life?  Why?  Is this due to ....what, exactly?  Human Frailty?  Unenlightenment?

Is society defective, or am I?  Is it unnatural and wrong to be as open as I have been?  I feel it must be.  I've been feeling the effects of this for a long long time now.  To the point that I've even stopped believing in relationships at all.  I realize that this is a powerful force in my situation now.  Reading this paragraph this morning really brought it to my attention.  I'm practically at a loss for words because it's so true in my life that THIS has happened so many times.

How sad is it that it truly seems like the only ones who ever REALLY wanted me were the ones that (for whatever reason) I was running from?

I have no doubt that my 'box' is filled with some very interesting, if not downright wonderous things, but if you can't get anyone to really even look at the contents, then what good does it do even if they're Smithsonian worthy?

I'm not sure I can even write anymore at the moment, because his is very large and chalky and I need to digest it for a spell.
poisonedgrace: (</3)
I'm here before you today with a heavy heart.  Not for myself, but for the world.  It seems like every time I am near an outlet for television or internet, I am hearing ANOTHER story of someone killing themselves because of the world we live in.  Either from being bullied, or oppressed or just damned fed up with the world and all the filth and injustice in it.

Lately, it's been a whole lot of gay/lesbian/bi/trans kids.  I think we're averaging more than one per week for the past month or so.

I wish there was an easy answer.  I wish there was something I could do or say to make it all better, or to give you hope.

I can't tell you that it will all be better eventually.  It might not.  I can't tell you that 'eventually' there will be justice and equality.  I would love to think that there will be, but we've made it this far with out, so who is to say?  I really wish that I could tell you that all the bullies, assholes and narrow-minded pieces of crap out in the world will eventually get what they deserve, but that would probably be a lie.

What I CAN tell you is that everything is temporary.  Bad times, hurt, pain, indignation...  They all fade & dull with time.  Just like smiles, laughter and joy fade.  Life is filled with cycles that way.  Whatever you're going through is temporary, because it WILL shift one way or another, sooner or later.  Even when things are bad, there is still a lot of good out there.  A lot of beauty in the world.

One other thing I can tell you...  We NEED you here.  It's as simple as that.  Please don't go.  We need you.  You are important.  You are beautiful.  There are people who accept you, just the way you are, I promise. 

A little while from now, you will have some choices.  You can choose a better place to live.  You can choose new friends, even a new family, if you need one.  Just by being yourselves and being defiant in who and what you are, you are slowly changing the world.  I know sometimes it hurts and it seems tragically slow and like you can't possibly matter.  But that's where you're wrong.

We need each and every one of you.  Live in defiance.  If you don't have anything else, Live for the spite of living.  Live because the jerks who torment you hate to see you live.  Living is a way to defeat them.  Every time one of you falls, it's a victory for hate and oppression.  A victory for the evil people who taunt, tease and belittle you.  Every time it happens, you know that these ignorant, evil, vile and hateful people get together and laugh.  Your death doesn't solve anything.  It gives them more power. 

Instead of helping them, rob them of power.  Don't give them any victories.  None.  The best thing you can do is keep going and stay vocal and look after one another.  All of us who are opposed to this avalanche of evil bullshit... we ALL have to look after one another.  We have to stay friends.  We have to be family.  We have to help, support and carry one another until we win.  We have to hold one another up and dry each others eyes and keep going.

It is the hardest thing, sometimes, to keep going.  You feel like every single breath is crushing you with the weight of this filthy and unfair world we're stuck in.  Don't let it stop you though.  Let it fuel you.  Get mad.  Find one another, even if it's "just" online... Find one another and hang on tight.  Be there for the ones who are on the edge. 

We can all stick together and look out for one another.  I am not ever going to sit around quietly and watch someone be bullied or abused.  I have been there far too many times in my life to have any tolerance for it.  When enough people live a life where that sort of behavior is completely unacceptable, it will recede.  The more we are robbed of our numbers, the longer that takes.  If you so truly feel that you have nothing to live for, to the point that you are going to end your own life, then instead of ending it, give it over fully to the things you believe in.  You can die any day, it'll happen eventually, no matter what.  So don't rush it.  Use the time you have between now and then to make a difference.  Even if you only make a difference for one person, in your whole life, that is worth it.  If that one person makes a difference for one other person, then that's two whom you've changed things for.  Think of how swiftly that can spread into a huge number.  You can't do this work, you can't change things if you aren't here.  This is why we need you here so very badly.

The world is working hard to defeat us all and the very last thing we can afford is to help them do it.  So don't give in.  Each and every one of you is a bright light in the darkness to someone else out there who also has it rough.  If we have too many lights go out, we will all be lost in the darkness.
poisonedgrace: (</3)
I'm here before you today with a heavy heart.  Not for myself, but for the world.  It seems like every time I am near an outlet for television or internet, I am hearing ANOTHER story of someone killing themselves because of the world we live in.  Either from being bullied, or oppressed or just damned fed up with the world and all the filth and injustice in it.

Lately, it's been a whole lot of gay/lesbian/bi/trans kids.  I think we're averaging more than one per week for the past month or so.

I wish there was an easy answer.  I wish there was something I could do or say to make it all better, or to give you hope.

I can't tell you that it will all be better eventually.  It might not.  I can't tell you that 'eventually' there will be justice and equality.  I would love to think that there will be, but we've made it this far with out, so who is to say?  I really wish that I could tell you that all the bullies, assholes and narrow-minded pieces of crap out in the world will eventually get what they deserve, but that would probably be a lie.

What I CAN tell you is that everything is temporary.  Bad times, hurt, pain, indignation...  They all fade & dull with time.  Just like smiles, laughter and joy fade.  Life is filled with cycles that way.  Whatever you're going through is temporary, because it WILL shift one way or another, sooner or later.  Even when things are bad, there is still a lot of good out there.  A lot of beauty in the world.

One other thing I can tell you...  We NEED you here.  It's as simple as that.  Please don't go.  We need you.  You are important.  You are beautiful.  There are people who accept you, just the way you are, I promise. 

A little while from now, you will have some choices.  You can choose a better place to live.  You can choose new friends, even a new family, if you need one.  Just by being yourselves and being defiant in who and what you are, you are slowly changing the world.  I know sometimes it hurts and it seems tragically slow and like you can't possibly matter.  But that's where you're wrong.

We need each and every one of you.  Live in defiance.  If you don't have anything else, Live for the spite of living.  Live because the jerks who torment you hate to see you live.  Living is a way to defeat them.  Every time one of you falls, it's a victory for hate and oppression.  A victory for the evil people who taunt, tease and belittle you.  Every time it happens, you know that these ignorant, evil, vile and hateful people get together and laugh.  Your death doesn't solve anything.  It gives them more power. 

Instead of helping them, rob them of power.  Don't give them any victories.  None.  The best thing you can do is keep going and stay vocal and look after one another.  All of us who are opposed to this avalanche of evil bullshit... we ALL have to look after one another.  We have to stay friends.  We have to be family.  We have to help, support and carry one another until we win.  We have to hold one another up and dry each others eyes and keep going.

It is the hardest thing, sometimes, to keep going.  You feel like every single breath is crushing you with the weight of this filthy and unfair world we're stuck in.  Don't let it stop you though.  Let it fuel you.  Get mad.  Find one another, even if it's "just" online... Find one another and hang on tight.  Be there for the ones who are on the edge. 

We can all stick together and look out for one another.  I am not ever going to sit around quietly and watch someone be bullied or abused.  I have been there far too many times in my life to have any tolerance for it.  When enough people live a life where that sort of behavior is completely unacceptable, it will recede.  The more we are robbed of our numbers, the longer that takes.  If you so truly feel that you have nothing to live for, to the point that you are going to end your own life, then instead of ending it, give it over fully to the things you believe in.  You can die any day, it'll happen eventually, no matter what.  So don't rush it.  Use the time you have between now and then to make a difference.  Even if you only make a difference for one person, in your whole life, that is worth it.  If that one person makes a difference for one other person, then that's two whom you've changed things for.  Think of how swiftly that can spread into a huge number.  You can't do this work, you can't change things if you aren't here.  This is why we need you here so very badly.

The world is working hard to defeat us all and the very last thing we can afford is to help them do it.  So don't give in.  Each and every one of you is a bright light in the darkness to someone else out there who also has it rough.  If we have too many lights go out, we will all be lost in the darkness.
poisonedgrace: (Calvin)


Hey folks,

I am putting together a project I've been working long and hard (oooo baby!) on. 

A major part of this requires that I gather a LOT of sound samples.
I primarily need "monster sounds".  By that, I mean:

More like Godzilla & Predator & The Aliens & stuff like that.  Although something like Freddy Kreuger may be a "monster" technically, and we may all love it when he says "Daddy can't help you now!"...  That's not really what I need.  I need more along the lines of:

Growls
Roars
Snorts
Snarls
Hisses

Stuff like that. 
Some of them can and will be used directly, some will be edited into new and layered tracks to produce custom sounds.

I would LOVE some ideas and feedback from you folks in this area.  Movies, Video Games, Anime / Cartoons, TV shows, WHATEVER!
Tell me about some cool monsters or similar sound effects that you love, or think might be helpful.  Just a name is fine, but if you know specifically where I can snag audio files from a web site or something, that would make you an angel!


Here is a list of stuff I have been looking into so far, or have obtained sound clips / files from:
LOST
Godzilla (and assorted Kaiju friends, such as Gamera, Gigan, Various Ultraman Creatures etc etc)
Cloverfield
Sleestaks (fuck yes!)
Bioshock
Doom
Ju-On


Various animal sounds:
Whales
Hyenas
Various insects
etc
etc
etc
Still collecting more of these as I go, too.


If anyone knows where I can get my mitts on an audio clip of that awesome insect sound that Pumpkinhead makes, I would be thrilled, I've had a hell of a time with it.  I might have to sit down with the DVD and try to extract it, but that's hard what with people yelling, gun shots, explosions and background music.


I know there are a lot of simple and obvious things that I have forgotten, over looked, and probably never even heard of, so ANY idea you have would be awesome, please share and help me to make some art!


poisonedgrace: (Calvin)


Hey folks,

I am putting together a project I've been working long and hard (oooo baby!) on. 

A major part of this requires that I gather a LOT of sound samples.
I primarily need "monster sounds".  By that, I mean:

More like Godzilla & Predator & The Aliens & stuff like that.  Although something like Freddy Kreuger may be a "monster" technically, and we may all love it when he says "Daddy can't help you now!"...  That's not really what I need.  I need more along the lines of:

Growls
Roars
Snorts
Snarls
Hisses

Stuff like that. 
Some of them can and will be used directly, some will be edited into new and layered tracks to produce custom sounds.

I would LOVE some ideas and feedback from you folks in this area.  Movies, Video Games, Anime / Cartoons, TV shows, WHATEVER!
Tell me about some cool monsters or similar sound effects that you love, or think might be helpful.  Just a name is fine, but if you know specifically where I can snag audio files from a web site or something, that would make you an angel!


Here is a list of stuff I have been looking into so far, or have obtained sound clips / files from:
LOST
Godzilla (and assorted Kaiju friends, such as Gamera, Gigan, Various Ultraman Creatures etc etc)
Cloverfield
Sleestaks (fuck yes!)
Bioshock
Doom
Ju-On


Various animal sounds:
Whales
Hyenas
Various insects
etc
etc
etc
Still collecting more of these as I go, too.


If anyone knows where I can get my mitts on an audio clip of that awesome insect sound that Pumpkinhead makes, I would be thrilled, I've had a hell of a time with it.  I might have to sit down with the DVD and try to extract it, but that's hard what with people yelling, gun shots, explosions and background music.


I know there are a lot of simple and obvious things that I have forgotten, over looked, and probably never even heard of, so ANY idea you have would be awesome, please share and help me to make some art!


poisonedgrace: (DESTROY!)
"Our lives may not be perfect, but that doesn't mean that we aren't beautiful, it doesn't mean that we can't ever be victorious.  It simply means that we have to lace up our boots, gather our weapons and prepare for war.  Sometimes, like you, I get tired of fighting.  That's when I put on my warpaint and remind myself that the end, true victory is the ability to stand over your enemy and say 'How do you like me now, motherfucker?' as they beg for forgiveness for ever thinking they could defeat you."

I need to make a note of this so that I can remember it.  And have easy access to it.  It did me good to hear it earlier and  I want to be sure that I remember it.





poisonedgrace: (DESTROY!)
"Our lives may not be perfect, but that doesn't mean that we aren't beautiful, it doesn't mean that we can't ever be victorious.  It simply means that we have to lace up our boots, gather our weapons and prepare for war.  Sometimes, like you, I get tired of fighting.  That's when I put on my warpaint and remind myself that the end, true victory is the ability to stand over your enemy and say 'How do you like me now, motherfucker?' as they beg for forgiveness for ever thinking they could defeat you."

I need to make a note of this so that I can remember it.  And have easy access to it.  It did me good to hear it earlier and  I want to be sure that I remember it.





poisonedgrace: (red X)
_


I'm feeling the strange and stinging need to write something beautiful for you today.
And I don't know why.

I say this, even though no one will read it. 

The ones I find most beautiful sit, compacted upon the staggering weight of their own silence.
Yet, should I write about poop, indigestion, lolspeak, or other assorted base foolery, then stop the presses, because there's a line waiting to weigh in.

I'm not sure what that says about the world.

I want to tell you about worlds that never were, but could be.  I want to tell you how time is what we make of it, and how even our misery is beautiful because it's ours and our joy couldn't exist with out it.  I want to tell you about jogging around the block, and past the hidden secret of the church basement.  I want to tell you about running through the mall with the annoying parrot.  I want to tell you about sliding through levels and levels only to reach the ground again.  I want to tell you how when I made it back around the block, 4 months had passed for everyone but me.

But I wont.  Because I can't do anything any justice.  I can't make anything quite beautiful enough today.

I want to take you all under my broken wing.  I want to tell you it will all be OK, and everything will work out for the best.  But I don't have it in me to deceive you that way.  I'm not that much of a liar.  The thing is...  "It won't be alright, despite what they say."  And that, is the truth.  But that, also, is beautiful.  Irrevocably beautiful, because we are all, all of us, in it together.  To one degree or another. 

And it doesn't matter.  Because we are all going to die.  "We die one after the other Over and over"  You might not even see it, but this is beautiful too.

The reason it is beautiful, is because it makes what we actually HAVE here all the more precious.  Your LIFE.  Your TIME.  Your interactions with others.  Your choices, your decisions, your actions.  Those things define you.  They are your legacy.  Why would you spend the little time you have wanting to escape from the little time you have?  What a cold and fruitless life. 

Good or bad, live it fully.  Full steam ahead.  Why close it off or end it sooner?  That is a given, that WILL happen.  Spend the time you have exploring, singing, marveling at the beautiful and hideous things around you.  You will lose it all swiftly enough without hurling it from you even sooner.

Don't waste it with any method of sleeping through it all.  Don't waste it by trying to hold other people down and live their life for them (although more often than not, the holder-downers are trying to prevent it, not do it for).  Pointless struggle of vanity.  It's so obviously so.  You make a mockery out of all existence.

Share your ideas.  Share your thoughts and dreams and glory and sadness.  Your frustrations, your madness.  Share your music, your stories, yourself.  BECAUSE:  You are going to die.

Let me repeat that, because I am not sure that you have really understood it:
YOU ARE GOING TO DIE

Not "maybe".  Not "possibly".  Not "if". No "or". And no "but,".

So why spend what minuscule amount of time you're granted (and remember that even your small amount of time may be revoked at any moment due to [but not limited to]  Disease, Violence, Accident, Fate, Tillikum, or many other assorted issues) in a frantic scramble of making yourself miserable?  Or at least of like... being miserable over making yourself miserable.  Just enjoy that part too, because it'll be gone along with everything else.  This is all temporary!  All of it!

I know how frustrating it can be when something isn't going your way.  Or when like... nothing is.  I know how it is when someone (be it an individual person [your BF / Husband for instance] or a group of people [pick one, Homosexuals? Teabaggers? Muslims? Catholics?] just is not behaving in a way that you desire them to.  I constantly see the behaviour power struggle in human relationships and politics.  But really?  You know what?  You're gonna die, dude!  And so is that other person (or group of people as the case may be). 

And you know what else?  What in the world really seems THAT important once you truly accept that?  Does it really matter that Billy-Bob Boyfriend won't 'commit' and marry you?  If you enjoy being with him, then shut up and be with him.  If it's that big a deal, then replace him with someone who behaves in a way that better meshes with your ideals.  Because again, he's gonna die!  So are you!  It's beautiful that way.

I can see that certain political issues can matter more, because things like that, and those decisions and legacies can extend long past our lifetimes and affect countless people.  I can see where these things differ, and while yes, I AM simplifying this entire topic of "LIFE" to some degree, I am doing to to counterpoint how overwrought and needlessly complicated you're making it.  

But for example...  Seriously?  Who the fuck cares if gay folks get married?  Any sort of 'sanctity' involved in the idea of marriage ended when the Kings of England were chopping their wives heads off so they could get a new wife.  It ended when Divorce was instituted.  It ended when more than 5 or 10% of marriages ended in divorce.  You "religious" folks need to understand the difference between your own religious ceremonies and practices versus a legal, social and governmental contract.  I could rant about this, and get totally off topic, but instead I'm touching it very briefly, just to say:

If gay people are allowed to get married, or if they aren't... Guess what?  Either way... YOU ARE STILL GOING TO DIE!  Why don't you worry about your life before you're worried about what the hell people whom you will NEVER meet are doing?

I'm sure there are much more important things to worry about anyhow.  Like who got kicked off of 'American Singing Show' or what the fuck ever 'reality' piece of shit you humans are wallowing in this week.  Also, didn't Sally Brenda Nancy Smith Jones Johnson post a picture with a vague hint of cleavage on FaceSpace?  And OMG didn't her status change to 'is single' recently as well?!?!

*sigh*

Deaf ears, deaf ears.


This didn't end up being very beautiful at all, and I'm sorry for that.  You'll just have to accept my poorly written but well intended rambling nonsense.

Or not.  <3




_
poisonedgrace: (red X)
_


I'm feeling the strange and stinging need to write something beautiful for you today.
And I don't know why.

I say this, even though no one will read it. 

The ones I find most beautiful sit, compacted upon the staggering weight of their own silence.
Yet, should I write about poop, indigestion, lolspeak, or other assorted base foolery, then stop the presses, because there's a line waiting to weigh in.

I'm not sure what that says about the world.

I want to tell you about worlds that never were, but could be.  I want to tell you how time is what we make of it, and how even our misery is beautiful because it's ours and our joy couldn't exist with out it.  I want to tell you about jogging around the block, and past the hidden secret of the church basement.  I want to tell you about running through the mall with the annoying parrot.  I want to tell you about sliding through levels and levels only to reach the ground again.  I want to tell you how when I made it back around the block, 4 months had passed for everyone but me.

But I wont.  Because I can't do anything any justice.  I can't make anything quite beautiful enough today.

I want to take you all under my broken wing.  I want to tell you it will all be OK, and everything will work out for the best.  But I don't have it in me to deceive you that way.  I'm not that much of a liar.  The thing is...  "It won't be alright, despite what they say."  And that, is the truth.  But that, also, is beautiful.  Irrevocably beautiful, because we are all, all of us, in it together.  To one degree or another. 

And it doesn't matter.  Because we are all going to die.  "We die one after the other Over and over"  You might not even see it, but this is beautiful too.

The reason it is beautiful, is because it makes what we actually HAVE here all the more precious.  Your LIFE.  Your TIME.  Your interactions with others.  Your choices, your decisions, your actions.  Those things define you.  They are your legacy.  Why would you spend the little time you have wanting to escape from the little time you have?  What a cold and fruitless life. 

Good or bad, live it fully.  Full steam ahead.  Why close it off or end it sooner?  That is a given, that WILL happen.  Spend the time you have exploring, singing, marveling at the beautiful and hideous things around you.  You will lose it all swiftly enough without hurling it from you even sooner.

Don't waste it with any method of sleeping through it all.  Don't waste it by trying to hold other people down and live their life for them (although more often than not, the holder-downers are trying to prevent it, not do it for).  Pointless struggle of vanity.  It's so obviously so.  You make a mockery out of all existence.

Share your ideas.  Share your thoughts and dreams and glory and sadness.  Your frustrations, your madness.  Share your music, your stories, yourself.  BECAUSE:  You are going to die.

Let me repeat that, because I am not sure that you have really understood it:
YOU ARE GOING TO DIE

Not "maybe".  Not "possibly".  Not "if". No "or". And no "but,".

So why spend what minuscule amount of time you're granted (and remember that even your small amount of time may be revoked at any moment due to [but not limited to]  Disease, Violence, Accident, Fate, Tillikum, or many other assorted issues) in a frantic scramble of making yourself miserable?  Or at least of like... being miserable over making yourself miserable.  Just enjoy that part too, because it'll be gone along with everything else.  This is all temporary!  All of it!

I know how frustrating it can be when something isn't going your way.  Or when like... nothing is.  I know how it is when someone (be it an individual person [your BF / Husband for instance] or a group of people [pick one, Homosexuals? Teabaggers? Muslims? Catholics?] just is not behaving in a way that you desire them to.  I constantly see the behaviour power struggle in human relationships and politics.  But really?  You know what?  You're gonna die, dude!  And so is that other person (or group of people as the case may be). 

And you know what else?  What in the world really seems THAT important once you truly accept that?  Does it really matter that Billy-Bob Boyfriend won't 'commit' and marry you?  If you enjoy being with him, then shut up and be with him.  If it's that big a deal, then replace him with someone who behaves in a way that better meshes with your ideals.  Because again, he's gonna die!  So are you!  It's beautiful that way.

I can see that certain political issues can matter more, because things like that, and those decisions and legacies can extend long past our lifetimes and affect countless people.  I can see where these things differ, and while yes, I AM simplifying this entire topic of "LIFE" to some degree, I am doing to to counterpoint how overwrought and needlessly complicated you're making it.  

But for example...  Seriously?  Who the fuck cares if gay folks get married?  Any sort of 'sanctity' involved in the idea of marriage ended when the Kings of England were chopping their wives heads off so they could get a new wife.  It ended when Divorce was instituted.  It ended when more than 5 or 10% of marriages ended in divorce.  You "religious" folks need to understand the difference between your own religious ceremonies and practices versus a legal, social and governmental contract.  I could rant about this, and get totally off topic, but instead I'm touching it very briefly, just to say:

If gay people are allowed to get married, or if they aren't... Guess what?  Either way... YOU ARE STILL GOING TO DIE!  Why don't you worry about your life before you're worried about what the hell people whom you will NEVER meet are doing?

I'm sure there are much more important things to worry about anyhow.  Like who got kicked off of 'American Singing Show' or what the fuck ever 'reality' piece of shit you humans are wallowing in this week.  Also, didn't Sally Brenda Nancy Smith Jones Johnson post a picture with a vague hint of cleavage on FaceSpace?  And OMG didn't her status change to 'is single' recently as well?!?!

*sigh*

Deaf ears, deaf ears.


This didn't end up being very beautiful at all, and I'm sorry for that.  You'll just have to accept my poorly written but well intended rambling nonsense.

Or not.  <3




_

July 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2 34 5 6 78
9 10 11 12 131415
161718 19 20 2122
23 24 2526272829
3031     

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 25th, 2017 10:36 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios