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Fucking rickety tracks, man.  Holes in the goddamn boat.  There's been an uptick in a behavior that really irked me in the past, and all signs indicate that it's going to ramp up and become a serious issue.  I am patient enough to wait and see, while hoping for the best, but I am not going to tolerate living that way, so she's gonna have to get it in order, or she'll catch a singling.  I can put up with someone's self loathing and insecurities, I understand, and I can be patiently helpful, but I will NOT play the villain in someone's LARP, based on how bad their fuckin EX was.  I don't put that shit on people, I am NOT that guy, I have NEVER been that type of person, and I will not take any of that shit being shoveled onto me.  There is a big firm line drawn this side of that particular pile of bullshit.

Last night, I dreamed that I was at the house of some guy that I had just met.  It is unclear if I knew him through school, or work or what, but he was a new person to me.  Also not someone I know in The Real, or even based on anyone.  We were just becoming friends, I guess, but I didn't yet know him too well.  He had two room mates, another guy, and a girl.  They were all nice enough.  A bit nerdy, and very 'normal' in most ways.  I was at their house a few times.  At some point, they invited me for dinner, and I stayed and ate curry and rice with them.  There was some issue with my friend's computer at some point (no details), and at some point, the girl was checking everyone for lice, and insisted on checking me, too, even though I kept explaining how unlikely that was.  I remember that at some point, my family and maybe some old friends had some bearing on the dream, but I don't remember details.

I have these roller-coasters of frustration and patience with life in general, but especially with this relationship shit.
I really don't understand why there even have to be any issues.  I mean, we literally have nothing to fight about.  We do not have children, we do not share finances, we do not have any issues with dishonesty or infidelity.  You know, all the things that 'normal' people fight about.  Those things simply do not exist for us.  But it seems that it's unable to go a significant span of time without there being some issue.  She can not see past her own poor self esteem, and she can not understand that just because she is constantly negative, and combative with herself does not mean that other people feel the same way about her.  Most of our issues are due to her projecting her issues with herself onto me.  She tells me that I don't like her, doesn't ask me, but TELLS me.  Totally regardless of my actions, my words, my attitude, etc.  Makes it up from scratch, a 100% fiction, and sticks to it as though her life depends on it.  And it can be anything.  She might tell me that I think she is fat.  Tell me that I am wanting to break up with her.  Tell me that I want (insert random person / type of person, or even someone like some random person here) instead of her.  She will tell me how stupid and ugly and horrible she is (which obviously, I do not agree with), and then go on to tell me how everyone thinks so, including me.  I feel like she writes entire scripts of the things I think and feel, without ever bothering to touch base with reality along the way.  I can say something, and she will, within 5 minutes of me saying it, flip it around to the complete opposite, and feed it back to me, informing me that it is my opinion.  Even directly pointing out that I said the complete opposite only 5 minutes ago has no effect on the situation.  I have been struggling with this for years now, and my patience is becoming frazzled.  You can only tell someone "this has to stop" for so long before it actually has to stop.

I guess it's a sign of my frustration (and that I am working to process it) by the fact that I am finally talking about it (even if it's just talking to myself in a shitty online journal), instead of bottling it up and looking away from it, while hoping it gets better.

I mean I guess ultimately venting is useless or whatever, but it feels like it can lift a burden to just say shit out loud and get it processing in your head.

Even if 'out loud' is just to an empty room, as it were...


May. 30th, 2017 07:27 am
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 Three day weekend.  Surprisingly, everything went basically smooth.  I guess anything to keep me guessing.  

Last night I remember a dream about being in a field at a school for a PE class.  I'm not sure what was doing on, but it was still dark, before the sunrise.  There were about 4 other people there, one was a teacher, and the other 3 were the same as me.  Each of us had a section of a field, and a collection of small figurines set up.  We were about to have some sort of big battle (this was the class work apparently) like WH40K style or something.  My army seemed to have a water theme, and I remember there being a pirate ship as part of it.  I had to wait a while for my turn, so I walked out of the field, through a fence, into an area that was like a junkyard / graveyard combo, with huge trees and stuff in it.  There was a small building, with nothing but restrooms.  I was in there trying to pee, but it was so amazingly gross, and some guy kept trying to talk to me, so I left and hid behind a huge rusted vehicle to pee.  I peed for about 45 minutes while the sun was coming up, and I could see people sneaking around the junkyard.

That's about all I can recall.

I got some cleaning and organizing done this weekend.  By back can still only take so much though, so it's gonna be a long process.  Irritating, but what can ya do?


May. 26th, 2017 07:10 am
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 Last night, I dreamed that I was riding in the back of a van with one of my cousins.  There were no seats back there, we just sat on the floor.  His dad was driving, and my dad was in the passenger seat.  I was trying to do some work, using some books and looking things up, and writing them into a ledger.  It was apparently my livelihood, and I had to get it done.  My cousin, however kept trying to fill the van with 2 or 3 feet of water, and getting everything wet.  Eventually I lost my patience over the situation.  I can't remember all the details, but I do remember stopping at a gas station and trying to buy a grape soda, but all they had was 1/2 drank bottles of Diet Dr Pepper.  

After that, I dreamed that I was trying to clean the kitchen in a house filled with dude-bro frat boy types.  They just kept being stupid menaces and ruining everything on earth.

I know there was another dream somewhere in the night, but I have nothing left of it in my head

Three day weekend coming up.  I want to be happy and relieved, but many times, those don't end up going so well.  I guess we will see.  The ticktock hanging sword shoe falling feelings are stressful.

Got paid, paid my bills, one month down on my pauper schedule.  

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So, last night, I dreamed that I was at "work" but instead of the real place, it was some sort of sprawling compound that was lit by fire / torchlight.  A load of people were going from one building to another, when we were attacked by some bad guys.  A co-worker threw me an old double-barreled break open shot gun and told me to take care of it, because he was late for a meeting, and didn't have time.  I went out into the fields, and there were a few people attacking us.   A couple of men, a woman, and a robot.  Maybe more people than that, but I'm not sure.  We were all running around shooting at one another.  I was the only one on my team, and my gun was awful.  The robot shot small rockets at me, and when thew blew up, I fell off a cliff thing, but I landed in snow, so it was ok.  I shot the people several times, but I guess I never did a good job because it really didn't slow them down too much.  It was a lot like some weird 80s action film.

I don't remember much else, before I woke up from that one.

The next one, I was at a school that was also a sort of ancient ruins in a jungle.  I was in a math class, and there was a lot of home work.  I was thinking about how I have not done home work in a lot of years, and realizing that I didn't even have to be there, so I could pretty much ignore whatever I didn't want to do.  But I felt guilty about it, and like I should try harder.  I also realized that I had forgotten my 'work disguise' and I was sitting there with my tattoos showing and everyone was looking at me.  There was a girl sitting in front of me, and she had never spoken to me before, even though we were towards the end of the year, but now, she just kept talking to me, and trying to be my friend.  I had all these weird little items on my desk and in my possession.  Small figurines and carvings and various things, with the imaged and shapes of awful little monsters, HP Lovecraft style.  I was trying to manage them and keep up with them, and get them back into my pockets and bags, so I could escape the classroom and climb a crumbling wall covered in vines, then escape into the forest, all without providing too much insult to this girl.

That's about all I remember there.

The final sequence from the night, I was trying to buy a new car, and it happened through a sort of web based menu, where I picked style, color and options.  I had a lot of money, so I was trying to get the best stuff and really make it awesome.  I got to a section about the drivetrain, and there were literally thousands of choices and none of them made much sense.  Specifically, I remember the "Instagram Drive" that would cause the car to take pictures and upload them to the internet.  That was one of the most sane, sensical options.  It just got weirder from there.  I wish I could remember more of the other ones in detail, but that's all I have.


I guess I don't have anything to write about aside from that.

I often feel that way these days.  You can only mention your current situations in life so much before you are repeating yourself, and we all know (by 'we all', I mean simply my own self, since I am the only one here) that I already do that more than enough.  No change in my personal interactions with people or life, no change in my financial situations.

days past

May. 24th, 2017 07:09 am
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Last night, I dreamed that I was riding in a car with a friend from long ago.  She was always a really bad driver, and the road we were on was not the best.  It had been patched and repaved and partially paved many times, and with vastly different textures and colors of paving.  Rather than follow the traffic / lane lines on the road, she kept freaking out and trying to drive by following the paving colors, which clearly was an awful concept with a patchwork road.  The whole time her stress levels were just escalating through the roof and eventually she even stopped and got out of the car to feel the different colors by hand, totally bewildered at the entire thing.  Needless to say it was kinda terrifying.  There may have been more to it, but that's all I remember.

Today is shaping up to be a real shit-show.  Work is having multiple tech issues and nothing is working right.  

Hostility and nonsense from last night has bled over into today, and who knows where that is going to end.  I am just sick of the passive aggressive bi-polar dance.  I am sick of repeating myself literally hundreds of thousands of times over the span of years, just to have the same exact thoroughly debunked nonsense and useless shit resurface.

Sick of feeling like it's all a closed loop and and endless cycle.

Even the taste of electricity has to be better than this.

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Back to a more normal schedule now, so I guess the updates should be more consistent.  

Last night, I dreamed that my mom owned a store in the mall that sold all kinds of dolls and doll supplies.  Doll clothing, dollhouses, t-shirts related to dolls and doll collecting, supplies for doll making.  This is something that my mom has absolutely zero interest in, in the real world.  My brother-in-law worked there with her, and I was going in to help them, because they were super busy, but I didn't know how anything worked.  I was trying to learn to use the register, and their entire processes for everything, from scratch, with a really crowded, busy store.  And of course all the customers had all this doll lingo and brand name knowledge, and I might as well have been dropped onto an alien planet for all of it I understood.

After I woke up and went back to sleep,  I dreamed of a reunion shoot-out.  It was a small town where once a year or so, all the people got together and had a shootout.  So it was like a town-wide family reunion / school reunion, etc etc for everyone who lived there, then they had a big gun fight.  I had a sort of giant Draco style pistol thing, but it didn't work.  

Either the trigger wouldn't pull at all, or it would just click, and then I would open it and look at the bullet, and it would be dissolved or fallen apart or just missing, or stuck, o somehow the wrong size or something.  Every time.  Meanwhile everyone else was shooting all over the place, and I was hiding and dodging bullets but no one seemed to be getting injured at all, just a bunch of yelling at one another, and airing grievances and such.  I seem to have had history of some sort with several people there, and it shaped up to be mostly a lot of yelling.  There were little kids running around and playing like nothing was the least but abnormal about the situation, and it happened all the time.  I remember having hope that the kids would stop the tradition of the shootouts and have better lives in the future.

There was more to it than that.  Some deep feuds and issues between various people were known to me during the dream, as well as who many of them were, but I didn't retain enough detail to be worth anything now.

There was another dream, too, but I have nothing on it at all.

Other news...  This weekend was a serious skin-of-the-teeth situation.  I just very almost washed my hands of the situation.  Honestly, if it hadn't been for pre-existing plans, and it being frankly, easier for me to NOT put an end to it, I would have.  But there are zero plans for the long foreseeable future, so I hope she got it out of her system, because another weekend like that one and I am just fucking done.  Idk how else to deal with the situation any more.  I can see it coming, then it starts, and I try my best to patiently give various "hey, this is happening, you need to figure out how to reign it in" notices.  But when they go 100% ignored, and she just escalates up to a frenzy and gets over the top ridiculous, then eventually I can't take it.  I feel like I do a good job 95% of the time or more, of not just snapping immediately when it is the same old tired shit over and over and over, but eventually, anyone will snap.  Weather it happens after an hour, or after 2 days of ceaseless destructive negative behaviour, everyone has a limit.  I feel like on average, that my limit is about 6 to 10 hours of it.  I can maintain the majority of my patience, composure and effort for between 6 to 10 hours of endless torment, then I just can't any more.  Most often when I get to the point where I can't, I try to have the patience to explain that I can't anymore.  I try to ask that I am left alone, and do have some time.  

But of course, if someone has been unable to control their hostility and outrageous negativity for 6 to 10 hours already, what are the chances that they are suddenly going to listen, and back off just because you claim to have reached your limit?  Yeah, exactly.  So most of the time, it does not let up at all.  So of course, once cornered, I am eventually going to snap.  I hate saying hurtful things to people.  I hate speaking out of anger.  Unfortunately, on a long enough timeline, anyone will though, so I try to not be angry with myself.  I truly feel like my patience is above and beyond.  I keep hoping that the lesson will be learned every time, and the warning reports will carry enough weigh to reach through her haze, and help her get control of her shit, but unfortunately, that is not always (or even most often) the case.

I guess this is the most articulate and complete venting that I have managed to do here, which is evidence that I am processing it more logically and more removed than I previously was, which indicates that I am towards the end of my large scale tolerance and patience.

There is only so much I can do, and for only so long.  We are at that point, and without some clear and measurable changes, pretty much from this point going forward, it's just a matter of time before I will be moving on.

poisonedgrace: (Default)
Back at work today.

Last night, I dreamed that I was at some sort of event called Monster Mansion.  It was this big sort of gathering, where all the classic monsters where there.  Wolfman, Dracula, Bride of the Monster, etc etc.  There was some character that like everyone hated, and he was really annoying.  He was called Doctor Asshole, and he was just driving everyone crazy.

After that, I had a dream that I was with friends and family on a super crowded street, that was lined with different food stalls.  I was deciding what to eat for my final time in Austin, before I got out.  We ordered a lot of food, and among the pile, was an order for "Four Chicken Tacos".  My GF kept making the same bad joke over and over, saying "Why should they use 4 chickens, can't they use just one?", like it was a 4-cheese pizza, rather than the quantity of tacos ordered.  It was a bit of a groaner the first time, but she wouldn't stop.  It seemed to go on for hours.

Nothing much to share aside from that.
I have a Chiropractor appointment on Monday, and after that, I go down to once every 2 weeks, to see how that goes.
Hoping for the best!

I have an eye Dr apt to hopefully get new glasses tomorrow. since mine are messed up.  I borrowed some money to afford it. Going to see The Damned tomorrow night.

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I slept poorly last night.  Woke up with enough neck and back pain that I took some meds again for the first time in a few weeks.

the only dream I remember is that I as riding in a car with my exgf driving.  She was taking me to see her college campus.  We arrived (her driving was kinda scary in the dream) and parked in a big parking lot, then walked across a grassy area with trees and monuments and stuff.  Her school consisted of a whole lot of log cabins and weird small old settler style houses, spread out over some small hilly land with nice sidewalks all over.  It looked like a theme park or something for the frontier times.  All the teachers and staff were wearing old pilgrim style clothing, and the classes seemed to consist of things like butter churning and saddle stitching and candle making and other frontier days type stuff.  We walked all over, and she showed me this stuff and introduced me to her teachers like it was totally normal.  It kept getting more and more strange and surreal as we went along, until finally, I had to grab her by the boobs, and steer her back to the parking lot so we could escape.


I know there were other dreams, but I don't have any memories.  There was more to that one as well, but the details escape me.
That one was more interesting and funny than creepy in any way.

Storm clouds are brewing for this weekend.  I wonder how it'll end up.  I keep seeing all those things just under the surface, and the just barely bubbling out keeps being a thing.  Last night was borderline issues.  I will be surprised if the weekend passes without some kind of meltdown or the other.

I'm not feeling particularly more patient or tolerant of bullshit than I was last time.  

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Last night, I dreamed that my family was moving back into a house we lived in a long time ago.  It was falling apart, and some of the rooms were open to the outside.  As we all looked around to claim our rooms and get set up, we discovered that through a series of twists and turns, that the house was somehow connected to a shopping mall, and that at the shopping mall, it was somehow the mid 80s.  There was a lot of detail and various stuff in this one, but no real narrative outside of that.

Later, I assume a different dream, I was in a classroom, and we were being assigned book reports.  We were each given a slip of paper with 5 books to choose from on it.  Everyone else was getting slips with books I had either already read, or books I wanted to read, but mine just had some awful mess on it.  As I was standing in line for my paper, I was talking to a classmate about a huge bruise on my leg that I got from rollerskating somehow.  I was wearing really short shorts.

Also assuming this was a different dream:  I was in a parking lot and my self driving car was being a bastard.  There was a whole row of these various self driving cars, coming up to the sidewalk to wait for their people, the way Koi come to the edge of the pond and beg for food.  My car, however kept nipping in, then driving away, going somewhere else totally, and coming back with 1/2 eaten snacks inside it, or on the hood and roof.  I could not figure out where it was going, if it was driving other people, or if it was somehow stealing snacks.  It also kept pranking me by driving 3 feet away when I reached for the door handle.  Go figure I would have the juvenile, immature, thieving AI in my car :/

Nothing much to say otherwise.  Day in, day out.  Always more ideas and creativity than money and supplies.  Waiting forever.
An eternal drumroll.

poisonedgrace: (Default)
 Last night, I dreamed that I was waiting outside of a mall, in the parking lot, with a lot of my co-workers.  We were waiting for our rides to come pick us up, and take us home.  I waited around for everyone to get picked up, in a variety of strange vehicles, and when that finally happened, after assorted drama and confusion, I got on a but to take me home.

The bus stopped at a food place, it seemed pre-fab, like a McDonalds or something, and I went in there to eat.  I sat in there a while, chatting with some strangers about civil rights, and the struggles of changing entrenched systems.  After that I went back to the bus.  I think it was the same one, but who knows.  There were a pair of small children that I recognized from other bus rides.  They lived a stop or 2 past me.  For some reason, they were trying to get off at my stop instead.  I told them it was wrong, and the bus driver told them, but they wouldn't listen.  I told them that they were old enough to get home alone if they got off at the wrong place, so they were on their own.

They were this strange Hansel and Gretel pair.  I was walking up the road to my house, and they were kind of running around getting into anything they could find.  I ignored them and went about my business.  About 1/2 way to where I was going, I stopped at a big pile of junk off to the left, to take a nap.  There was all kinds of stuff all over, and a huge blanket sort of thrown in randomly.  I avoided a comfy chair, and curled up under the blanket, on the ground.

After a while, I could hear those crappy kids getting closer, and making noise and talking.  They were up to something, and I could tell from the way they talked and what they said that it was far from normal.  They were having some scheme to use the local people to help hide them from a bunch of rival monsters who were after them.  I just stayed under my blanket and pretended to be asleep.

After a while, they found me, and asked if I would walk them home because it was getting late and they were afraid.  I knew it was a trap, so I told them no and tried to ignore them.  The girl wanted to go, so they could hurry home before it was too late, but the boy doubled down on forcing me to help them.  I was not having it.  He just kept expecting me to give in and save them, and I dismissed him without budging.  Finally the girl tried to drag him away, and he quickly transformed into this hideous little ghoul with rubbery grey skin and big black eyes and claws and teeth, and he was fighting furiously to get at me.
 I woke up snarling and fighting the air.

After I got back asleep from that fun experience, I dreamed that I was traveling with my family in a weird van, in some unknown region, both to and from unknown destinations.  We stopped at this really cool hole in the wall Mexican Restaurant and I was really excited about the menu.  I was trying to order all the things, but the waitress wouldn't really listen.  She just kept on and on and on apologizing that they did not have USB plugs or cords, and we would be unable to charge our devices.  We kept trying to explain that we were not there for that, we wanted to order food, but she wouldn't take our orders or listen, she just kept on about the USB stuff.

From there, the next thing I remember is being in a messed up wrecked kitchen sort of area, with a really weird refrigerator.  Something had happened, and if the T-Rex eggs thawed out all the way, they might hatch, and then it would be a serious issue, and we had to find a way to stop it.  The whole time, someone kept telling me that my help was not wanted.
 That's about all I have on that one too...

Waiting and waiting and waiting.

I've gotten old, waiting.
And that's about all I've gotten.

pew pew

May. 9th, 2017 07:15 am
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Last night I dreamed that I was Spiderman.  I was still me, but like secretly, I was Spiderman.  I was trying to have a day off, and rest, and sit in my house and play video games, but everyone was giving me trouble "how dare you sit and play games, where do you go all day every day, why don't you get a job, and a life, you are so lazy" and I got really mad, because I was always saving the city and stuff, and they didn't even know.  So i kinda blew up and I was like "look, you jerks, I AM SPIDERMAN!"

So i started telling everyone I knew, who had ever looked down on me.  Friends and family and whoever else. "Look, I am Spiderman!"  And people were all freaking out.  People started treating me with respect and trying to help me and stuff.  "I know you are really busy being Spiderman, so I made some dinner."  Stuff like that.

Then, I was trying to find some girl that I had been secretly in love with, so I could tell her

It took forever to find her and get her alone, people kept getting in the way, and I wasn't like going to tell the whole world who I was.  I think one of the people continually and accidentally blocking our chances was her little sister.   Finally, when I was able to get her alone, I was like "I am Spiderman" and she was like "yeah, i know, it's about time that you told me, I have been waiting forever."

Then we were swinging up to the top of a huge majestic tree to talk about the future, and I woke up.


I think I'm not going to keep doing a daily Other News, just to tell you there is none.  That's just seems formulaic and silly.  I'll just drop some if I feel there's anything worth putting out.

For the first time, I am really starting to take the 'work from home' offer with my job seriously.  Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea. Probably save me 60 bucks a month in gas, but I don't know what else I would need to make it work, so there might be a cost that offsets that.  Maybe I will get more info on it.

This is my last week of 2 visits to the Dr per week.  Starting next week, I am down to 1 a week, for the next 3 or 4 weeks or whatever.

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I never end up making notes of my dreams on Friday or Saturday nights, so they often get lost before I am writing here on Monday.   I know that I had some, but I do not have the details any longer.

Last night, however, I dreamed that I was working on making some new costume, and while I was doing it, my cousin came over to remove a bunch of junk and stuff that he had left in the garage.  He was actually civil and well spoken for a change, so obviously nothing like real like.  After he moved all his mess, I went out to the garage, and found a red car that had been completely buried by his stuff, and I had forgotten about it.  Upon seeing it, I remembered that I had been storing it for a friend, for many years.  I got in touch with my friend to ask if he still wanted it, and he said that I could do whatever I liked with it.  So I immediately started making plans to turn it into something really cool.

While I was thinking of ideas for both the costume I was making, and the car I had just found, I decided to go for a walk around the property.  Apparently the house that I had bought was on a larger property, which also contained an old run down abandoned school.  I was walking around that, and when I came back in a circle to the road that the house was facing, I discovered an old school bus in front of the school.  Somehow I owned the property and the school, but not the bus.  I went to look at it, and (somehow) I knew it was a 1971 International.  As I was looking at it, a little old lady came along.  She said that she had been coming here every week since the school closed in the 70s to start the bus and make sure it ran.  She owned it, but she wasn't ever going to do anything with it, so I was talking to her about buying it for 100 dollars.  It was gloriously run down and post-apocalyptic looking, but the engine seemed strong.  IDKWTF I would do with a school bus, y'all, but it was somehow an exciting dream.

After all that was going on, the dream shifted a bit, and I left the house, walking with my mom and step-dad.  We walked up a road, through a residential area.  I think we were walking from my house to their house, or something, but I am not sure.  After a few blocks, we saw my brother's car parked on the street, in front of some house.  I assume he lived there, because it was not unusual that we saw it.  For some reason, in the middle of the street, near his car, in a quiet suburban neighborhood, there was a big chicken, just hanging out.  My brother loves chickens so we wanted to get a picture of it standing near his car.  I was trying to get the perfect shot, and come cops rolled by giving me the stink eye, but they didn't stop.

We kept walking from there, and I was telling my step-dad about some documentaries that he should watch that could teach you to see the secret world all around us.  It was how people manages to see ghosts and bigfoot and stuff.  He was not believing me, so I was showing him something about it on youtube with my phone.  As I was doing this, I saw a man on a horse ride slowly across the road, into the trees, then turn and stand silently on a slight rise over the road.  He was using some sort of optical camouflage to make himself mostly invisible, but I had learned to be able to see him anyhow, from the documentaries.  I told my step-dad and he was still not believing it, so I went up to the guy and the horse, and grabbed them, and pulled them into the roadside.  

They toppled down, and became visible.  The guy was an old timey knight.  I guess the horse was too.  They traveled through time with an important mission.  Me pulling them, and the fall was going to make them die because they were like thousands of years old or something.  I felt bad, but I also felt like "well fuck you, that's what you get".  He was giving me the mission and we were all listening and there was also a single mom there with two little kids, and somehow I was all of the people who were there, at the same time, and seeing it all from everyone's point of view, and as I tried to figure that out,
I woke up.

Friday, after I posted, I had really filthy glasses, so I took them off to clean them.  After I got them mostly clean, there was still a big smudge on the left lens.  Try as I might, it just wouldn't come off.  After a bit of that nonsense, I looked very closely, and figured out that it was not a smudge, but instead, the protective coating layer (or whatever) on the glass has actually peeled up in a spot.  Of course the spot is right in the middle of where my left eye has the audacity to want to see things, and it looks like when you have a drop of dirty water or something dry on your lens, and it's there ALL THE TIME.  Of course this HAS to happen right when I am on Ramen Budget with no hope of getting them replaced for 10 more months.

It is really irritating.  I wonder if it's something I can get used to.  Probably not.  

Nothing going on In Other News.  Everything is the same.

poisonedgrace: (Default)
 Last night, I dreamed that I had some sort of job at a place I have never been to.  It seemed like maybe it was a school or something.  I had realized that I could clock in 3 times, and then later clock out 3 times, and get paid for 3 shifts per day, and work 3 jobs at the same time.  I'm not sure how all this worked, because: dream logic.  So, I got up, drove to work, clocked in, and got a ride back home, where I drove a different car to work, clocked in and got a ride home, then drove a 3rd car to work, and clocked in.

I did the reverse of this at the end of the day.  After a while, I realized (I guess I was stupid) that I could just drive once, and clock in 3 times, and save myself a lot of hassle.  But I had these 3 cars, because apparently there had been a buy one, get one free deal or something, and I had just been wanting to use them all.  As I figured this out, I was getting a ride from a friend, and he did a burn out in the parking lot that completely took all the rubber off of every one of his tires, and left them sitting on rims.  I was concerned because one of my cars only worked intermittently, and out of the three I owned, I could not remember which one had a warranty.  Part of this took place in a church parking lot,
and that's about all I can remember.

I am feeling pretty good and in a good mood today.
In spite of basically nothing really going well for me in the larger picture lately, and a heap of financial issues.
The weather has been nice and cool for a few days, I had a nice dinner with my family last night, and today is Friday.

Hopefully this weekend goes smoothly, and the good mood can last a little while, at least.
I really need it, because it's been stressful for a while.

poisonedgrace: (Default)
Last night, I dreamed that I was riding in a car with a couple of friends, and a guy I didn't know.  He was one of their friends, but I had never met him before.  I had to operate the car from the back seat, but I could only reach the steering wheel, and not the pedals.  Some one else was working them, and we were trying to coordinate our efforts to get down the road.

It was going decently, I suppose.  Not good, but also not exactly like we were going to die at any second.  We came up to a tunnel that we had to drive through, so we were carefully going through there.  Out of a side branch of the tunnel, a lot of children started sliding into our lane, and sliding along.  Exactly as if it were a huge slide, rather than a road.  They were all merging with us, before, after, and even sort of under the car.  It was really tense and scary, and we were trying hard to not run over them, but wtf were they doing there to start with?

We pulled over somehow, and went up from the tunnel into what appeared to be a combination hotel / shopping mall (weird, I dreamed about one of those recently, too, but this was a different one).  There were tons of kids in there, like it was a school or a huge field trip or something.  I don't remember what all happened in there
, but it was a big part of the dream.  The details have faded.

At some point after that, I dreamed about robots.  a whole society of huge robots that could reorganize themselves into other things.  I guess kind of like 'transformers', but really aesthetically different somehow.  I wish i could remember more of this one because it had super crazy detail, but all I really remember is that it was like some kind of 1940s crime thriller, where a girl robot had done me wrong, and I was down and out and had criminal intrigues with other robots.  I wish I could make shit like this up.  Sometimes I wonder if maybe I have brain problems.

In other news:  No other news.  Just waiting.  No idea when / what is next.  Still hoping for the best.

Other, Other news:  Also no changes.  Ripples beneath the surface, and I'm waiting for sharks.

Outside of that, I am so sick of my geography.  I want to move away from here.  I just don't know if it will ever be a possibility, from a financial standpoint.  I swear though, if I won the lottery, I would be out if here before the dust could settle.  I have been feeling this way, increasingly, for a long time now, and the impending heat of summer is not making it easier to deal with.

Fly me to the moon.

poisonedgrace: (Default)
I had a bad night of it last night.  Severe acid reflux while I was trying to sleep.  Shocked awake gagging and burning.  Felt like I was going to vomit.  I got upright before it happened, and I was ok after a bit.  I figured it was a one off and went back to sleep, but nope, some indeterminate time later, there we go again, with the exact same thing.  

Needless to say, I didn't want that again.  If it wasn't for having to be up for work, I would have just stayed up, but I haven't slept well any night this week, so I really needed rest.  I went back to sleep in a mostly sitting up position.  It worked for the acid issue, but did not make my neck and back issues feel very happy.

Somewhere during all this, I assume because I was sleeping so poorly, and with tension, I had this dream that all kinds of people kept coming in my room while I was trying to sleep.  My room was really big in the dream, and tons of people just kept parading through, and hanging out.  It was really annoying and invasive.  They kept messing with my stuff and hanging out.

At some point during this, my brother and his friends came in, and cleared a space near my bed, then proceeded to tell me that they had a surprise for me.  I didn't want a surprise, I wanted to sleep.  They dragged in a couple of  really huge poorly made crate style cages.  One of them had three to five small monkeys in it, as well as some other random animals.  A weasel maybe, a bird or three.  The other one had something that sounded really angry in it, but I was never sure what it was.  All these things were chattering and carrying on with noise and ruckus while I just wanted to sleep.

I asked if any of them were able to be handled, and they said no, they all bite and are mean and wild.  Great, now I had to deal with all this mess, for the rest of their natural lives, and don't even get anything out of it really.  At that point, I realized that not only were there like twenty people milling about my room, messing with my stuff, but that someone had let Nigel out, and all the doors were also left open.  I was really pissed off by this time.

 I knew I would never get back to sleep with all these damn animals and birds screeching, so I got up and started making people leave.  They were indignant, like I was the one being rude, and they should be entitled to the use of my room in any way they liked.

Well, forget that.  I got everyone cleared out.  I looked all over for Nigel, and couldn't find him, so I went into the next room to the right of my bed, and there was a ton of stuff in there.  Something stirred under a blanked on a couch, so I looked under, and there he was, just chilling.  I wrangled him back to where he belonged with a sense of relief.  

Then, I decided to take a shower.  For some reason I had 4 different showers in my room.  A glass stand alone shower in the far right corner, a weird short walled tile shower kind of in the center, a typical shower / tub combo along the left wall, and another one of indeterminate style along the back wall.  I couldn't decide which one to use, and before I figured it out, someone else was just waltzing into my room like they owned the place.
 I'm not sure who it was, because I woke up about then.

Other news:
Response sent, now it's a waiting game.  Could be days / weeks / months.  Apparently no one knows.  So I guess all we can do now, is wait and see what happens next.

Other, other news:  No changes.  Tick tock noot noot.

"Abdomen" is a really goofy word.


May. 2nd, 2017 07:16 am
poisonedgrace: (Default)
 I have one tiny fragment of a dream last night, but I know there was a full load that I lost all of...

I remember being a girl, and trying to eat breakfast, and something was going seriously wrong in my life.

But that is all I can recall.

It's funny, how much of the time these things spin from where they were originally, and turn into journal entries...
I guess it shows you where I am most capable of investing my open / honest points.

I have exactly enough money in my monthly bills budget to eat basically nothing but ramen for the next 10 months, and try to save up money for oil changes, tooth paste and deodorant, all the while praying that I don't end up needing new tires or a Dr visit, or have to pay anything else to the chiropractor.  At this point, that's a best case scenario.  The worst case scenario is... well... a lot worse. lol

I have been looking at second jobs, but it's really tough when you already work full time, and the traffic in your city takes an hour or two to get anywhere.  Maybe I should start holding up a sign as intersections.  Not sure what the pay will end up being around here, but at least the hours are up to my choosing.  Sadly, that's not quite as much of a joke, as I wish it was.

It always feels like everything is Waiting To Start, Forever.

I saw an article yesterday that basically said "It takes a minimum of 20 years of nothing going wrong to be able to climb out of poverty".  Sometimes even that seems like a generous measure.

poisonedgrace: (Default)
 Last night, I dreamed about visiting some friends at their house.  I don't think these are people I know IRL.  They showed me around the place, and part of the tour was their bedroom, where they showed me a huge pile of snakes in the bed, that they snuggle with at night.  I recognized most of them, a generic mix of pythons and boas, but one of them looked odd, from what I could see of the tangle.  I asked about it, and they told me it was a rattlesnake.  I admonished them for being so careless with a dangerous animal, and told them that things like this are the reason why laws get passed to outlaw ownership of snakes in general.  I convinced them to get a tank with a secure locking top for the rattlesnake, at the very least, if not all the others.  

That dream sort of shifted when I left there.  I was in a car with some other friends (again, not people I know IRL, as near as I can tell).  I was a kid, and we were supposed to be driving back home, and the guy driving kept complaining about how tiring it was even though it had only been like an hour.  He drove up some wooden ramps, and across some scaffolding, then across the roofs of some buildings, down a wire, and back to the road.  After all that, he was just too tired to go on, even though the entire drive was only supposed to be 3 or 4 hours.  They decided to stop at a hotel place.

I went outside at night, and looked around some, and somehow, it seemed vaguely familiar, then I remembered that I had stayed here a couple of years ago for some reason, and during that time, I had met a time traveling version of myself.  So I went looking around, to see if I could find my younger self, because maybe _I_ was the time traveling version of myself right now.  I went to some area where I remembered having met myself, and waited, and sure enough, a few years ago, there I was.  I went and tried to say all the exact same things that I remembered saying before, and it seemed to work.  

Satisfied with myself, I turned to go, only to be confronted with another future version of myself.  He told me all kinds of things, and made some calls, and got me admitted into a closed museum for some reason, and I had all this stuff I was supposed to do.  There was some grand purpose for it all, and something about a place across the street which seems to have been some sort of community center with a swimming pool, and I'm not sure what it was all about, but
there was a lot going on.

In other news.  Trying a band-aid gamble for coping with last week's life shitting the bed issues.  Don't know how it will turn out, but best case scenario, I will have exactly enough money to be able to eat ramen noodles for the next 10 months.  After that, luck and the universe willing, things should be a whole lot better.  Worst case scenario, I will not be able to have enough money to continue to live at all. lol.

Crossing fingers and hoping for the best.

In Other Other news... This weekend largely the same as last.  Can still see the subterranean fireworks often on edge of boiling out into life.  Keep hoping to be done with that waiting for the shoe to drop feeling, but rather than abate, it continues to be reinforced by life.  

So, I guess the waiting continues.

Got a little bit done towards my cleaning goals this weekend, before my neck and back wouldn't allow anything more.  Still paying for it today.  Frustrating to not be able to do more, but going to be more frustrating to reverse the progress that all these Dr visits have made, so I guess there's an obvious choice.

Really hoping this week is better than last!

poisonedgrace: (Default)
I remember some dreams last night.  I know I wrote down some info after the first chunk, then fell back asleep, and did the same thing after the second chunk.

The first notes I discovered this morning when I woke up, said "Hero Family Costume".  Maybe it will open up my memory later in the day, and I will have some idea what it was about, but at this moment, It's not ringing a bell.  It's a shame to have lost the dream, but I think maybe it got overshadowed by the next one in the notes.

The next notes say "Midden Heap".  I remember this one very well, in hideously gruesome detail.

In this one, I didn't seem to be a direct participant, but more of a observer, like it was a movie, unfolding as I watched.  There was a house / property with a lot of people.  I say "a lot", but there were probably like 30ish people total.  Which is a lot in this context.  This was a very simple large extended family / clan + close "might as well be family" neighbors.  Almost like a really small rural village, from way back when.  Everything was simple and old, but I got the feeling that this setting was not back in the early / mid 1800s, but more like a post modern setting.  Not exactly Amish, but probably more like a great disaster had come (supported by other elements of the dream), and people had been forced into a setting where literally everything was hand made, or scavenged, or cobbled together in the most simple, settler way possible.

Everyone had jobs to do, and worked for the ongoing survival of the whole.  It seemed a lot of farming and hunting and gathering, and so forth.  I don't imagine that it was much different from the way the pilgrims lived.  Only without the crazy religious and colonizing mess.  Everything was relatively normal at first.  People worked, and talked and even laughed, but there were certain things that simply were not done, they had been dangerous for so long that they had become revered taboo.  The primary among these things, was not to go over the fence on the east side of the property.  That was an unsafe area that had never been reclaimed from whatever the apocalypse was.  I'm not sure if it was demons, or zombies or aliens or faeries, or what, but it had been an absolute end to pretty much all life, except for these isolated and now very poorly advanced pockets.  It had also happened so long ago that it was more of an abstract to the daily lives of these people (which is probably why I didn't know exactly what it was).  It was very actively unsafe, however, and there was a real threat, should someone enter into these areas.

So, of course, in this dream, someone did exactly that.  A younger man, probably late teens / early twenties, went over the fence, to an area called The Midden Heap.  It was just over a small fence, and it was a very old dilapidated sort of structure, that had once been something vaguely oval shaped, and had standing walls about 6 to 10 feet high.  The village (or whatever you call it) had been throwing their organic refuse (unusable food, unusable dead things, all human waste, and unusable animal waste, etc) across the fence into this structure for years.  It was like a huge above-ground pool of filth, decay, and poop, and it was beyond vile in every way.  It was probably even toxic, as the ground itself at this location was tainted by whatever the apocalypse had been.

So anyhow, this kid decided to cross the fence.  I don't know what happened to him over there, but he came back... wrong.  Insane / rabid wrong.  He had bouts of being aware of who he was, and knowing that something was wrong, and other times of just being wild.  He avoided people as much as he could, and became increasingly animalistic over time.  There was a lot more to this part, maybe even some 'reason' that he had gone over there, but I am lacking the details, aside from knowing that I am missing something.

Eventually, his skin started to take on this hue where he looked bruised all over.  Purples and yellows and greens.  He had an overwhelming compulsion to return to the wrong side of the fence.  He was also spotted by one of the people, and chased.  No one knew what was going on with him, so they had a search.

While they were getting organized, he crept back across the fence, and directly into the midden heap.  It was thick like mud, bit he wormed his way down into it, with only his nose barely above, so he could breathe, and to him, it was a good thing, he was following the drive he felt deep inside. They eventually spotted him over there some time later, not sure if days or weeks... skin the color of a rotten eggplant, swollen and bursting, eyes filled with maggots.  It was really gross and horrible to see.  

As they watched, and grieved for him, he sat up.  But not like regular..  (it would be easy to see on film, but harder to describe, so work with me here).  It was as though his rotting, swollen, maggot covered body, encased in the waste, had become a cocoon, and the thing that 'sat up' was whatever had been growing inside, splitting right through what appeared to be his body, the same as when a Cicada comes out of it's shell.

The thing that sat up was like a gobby, fleshy, ill proportioned insect, all wet and fatty.  After it freed itself from the flesh cocoon, it immediately began to dry out and harden up.  It had small, paper thin wings, that began to grow and harden as well, during this process.   Some of the villagers ran away, some scrambled to get weapons, some looked on in stunned and silent horror, some screamed and wept, or even fainted.  

After a few moments, the insect man thing took to the air and came right over the fence, into the sanctuary of the village.  Some of the people returned with pitchforks and shovels, and at least one had a crude flame thrower.  The monster landed on the branches of a tree, and overlooked the gathered humans.  Flamethrower guy shot a burst at it.  The monster swooped down to try to grab a villager or two, people tried to pitchfork it, there was screaming and running and more flamethrowing,
and I woke up.

The next dream, I managed to retain a lot of the details of as well:
I wasn't me in this one, or at least not this exact world's version of me.  I felt like it was me in the dream, and I didn't know anything an different, so maybe that me is me, and this me is the one who isn't really... But that's a whole other branch of dream philosophy.  I was a trans-woman, but much like in this world, it was just me, and I don't know a lot of details beyond that.  I was in some kind of big box store, wandering around.  I found some Ouija socks on clearance, and I got a pair for myself, and for my GF who was at home.

As I progressed through the store, I found a section with a bunch of Halloween stuff kind of tossed haphazardly about.  As I tried to root through it, some guy that I know came along.  We were friends, so we rooted through the stuff together.  He was a stumpy little guy with some sort of spots covering him, and I think he was some sort of animal hybrid or something.  As we were digging about, a few little talking hedgehogs came out of a nearby fixture, and had various antics.  

After a while of this, a severely intoxicated frat boy type came along, being a douche, as usual.  He had these 2 women with him.  They were dressed a little like me.  Sort of a day-glo crust-goth sort of thing, with torn clothing and fishnets and whatever.  I had pants with a lot of holes over my fishnets, and they both had super short skirts with their butts out though.  The guy thought he was really cool because he thought that he was actually "with" them, and that he was some kind of stud, but any even casual observer could easily tell that they were just having a lark at him.

He was really irritating though, and made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe, so I left the area with my stumpy friend.  We kinda wandered around the place, and we were in an area with tons of TVs and musical instruments.  There was also a coffee / cafe area right beside it.  After a bit, the two women came along, having grown bored of the drunk guy, and ditched him somewhere.  They kept trying to flirt with me, and touch me, and invite me home with them and stuff, but it was confusing, and I wasn't sure if they were taking a piss with me as well or if they were sincere.  I was mostly just awkward and tried to avoid them. 

At some point, my friend went missing, and I was worried because he was sick somehow, and also during this, my GF broke up with me somehow (phone? idk), and I was alone and upset, and finally agreed to go somewhere with the women, because they were the only people I was familiar with.

Then I woke up.

There was more to both of those.  I forgot to hit post on Friday, (left work early, trying to cope with depression) so I am posting this now.

I think I had more to write, but I've forgotten.

poisonedgrace: (Default)
 The first dream that I remember from last night, I was either not me at all, or some vastly different world's version of mt that only had a few things in common with this me.  I had just moved to a new town, and a mother (not my real life mother) was my only family.  It seemed like we had moved to a small town where everyone knew everyone, and people knew of us, although somewhat indirectly, so either from the distant past, or through a family member.

We had moved into a place that was "the old _____ property".  I didn't retain the family name that goes in the blank.  Based on the way the towns people said it, it was supposed to have some gravity to it, but I don't know what.  I had a job that I was sorting out, although I am entirely unsure what kind.  I went through what seemed like a cafeteria, then a kitchen, then an assembly line (for food?) sort of place and eventually came to some offices in the back.  I don't know what it was, over all.  I was getting hungry from all the food, and some nice cafeteria ladies (they reminded me of the ones in various schools) offered to feed me, which made me happy.

At the back area, I talked to Someone In Charge, (don't remember details).  They introduced me to some kids around my age.  Everyone knew my name, and basic details.  They were fictionally small town friendly (you know how it is on TV, not the Klansmen you tend to get IRL).  A group of kids my age (I assume i was early 20s-ish?) offered to show me around, so I said ok.

We got into a car, it was myself, and either 2 or 3 guys, and a girl.  I'm not sure how many, exactly.  We drove all over the area, and they showed me all kinds of places.  I recall houses and neighborhoods, and a really cool old car graveyard type place with some kind of weird bubblehearse which I decided that I would buy with my first check, and get running again.  

As darkness fell, The place got increasingly creepy, and the people got more nervous.  Clearly something was afoot in this small town.  We stopped the car somewhere, and the guys were being sketchy, but the girl was nice (in that Hollywood movie blossoming romance way), so we decided to leave on foot.  As we were walking through the spooky blue wonderland of cinema darkness, something happened, and we somehow got separated, and I was lost, since I had never been anywhere around here before.  

I walked and walked until I saw a house with lights and noise.  I approached and could see inside.  There was a dad and 3 or 4 little kids, playing and singing.  The house was so wonderful and lived in and loved, it seemed amazing to me.  Every wall was covered with bookshelves, stuffed full, every table had books piled deep on it.  I went up and knocked on the door.  A lady came (the mom) and was suspicious of me at first, but when I told her my name, and that I was lost, she knew who I was, and where I lived and everything.  She invited me in and was telling me that she worked at the school, and all kinds of other things.  

There was some info about the town, which I didn't retain, and I don't know what else.  I'm not sure if they gave me directions, or gave me a ride or escorted me towards my house or what.  The next thing I remember, I was somewhere on the way home, and I was in a building, trying to stay safe, because I had seen monsters several times by this point.  As I tried to figure out a plan, I kept seeing them outside doing... monster stuff... I don't know what.  But I had figured out the strange secret of this town, at least., now my goal was to make it home.

I don't remember anything beyond that.

The next dream that I remember, I had just gotten off an airplane, and arrived at a hotel, in Australia.  I was supposed to meet my ex there, and we were going to see The Cure at some huge concert.  She met me in the lobby, and took me to the room we were staying in together.  The entire hotel was this massively huge ultra modern / futuristic sort of place, that seemed to also be the biggest retail mall in history.  

I kept telling her what a good choice she had made, and how cool the place was, but she seemed distant and not very communicative.  She had already been here for a few days, so maybe she was over it already.  We collected our things in the room, and headed out towards the show immediately.  We walked this winding path through the hotel/mall, and came out to a street that was, understandably, flooded with goths.

We walked about 3/4th of the way to the show (it wasn't all that far, a few blocks), and then my ex remembered that she had left her glasses, and her tickets in the room.  I said that we should go back after them, and hurry, so we weren't late.  She refused and sat down on a bench, saying that she wasn't going to go back.  I was a little confused, but I said that I would go back and get them.

I tried to re-trace our steps, but try as I might, I could not find our room, or anything that looked familiar.  I wandered through every sort of retail space imaginable, plus some that mostly weren't.  I knew we were on a lower floor, but I also knew that there had been stairs involved, but this place had a crazy layout and I just couldn't find where I needed to be.  During my wandering, I found an amazing store that had all kinds of things, from housewares to clothing, to toys, everything... and all of it was Halloween themed.  Which was awesome, because it was not anywhere near Halloween.  I was really excited about that, and took a pic of it with my phone, so we could come back here later.

Having been unable to find the room, I eventually managed to find my way back towards my ex.  She had relocated to a bench just outside of the hotel/mall, where she sat, engrossed in her cell phone.  Two hours had passed since I had been lost, trying to find the room and get her stuff, and I was feeling really frustrated, and rushed.  

I told her what had happened, and she acted like I was stupid, even though this place was super confusing, and I had been here for all of 10 minutes before trying to navigate it.  She grudgingly said that she would show me where the room was.  She stood up from her bench, and walked inside the building, rook one right, and showed me the entrance to the wing where our room was.  It was literally right there, and looked familiar, and I knew how to get there.  I said that this was not the way that we came in OR out when we went before, and she said that we had gone a different way earlier, but still acted like I was stupid for not knowing.  I asked her why she didn't just get her stuff, so we wouldn't be over 2 hours late now, but she ignored me, and walked over to a crowd of people at the next building over, and started chatting with some popular people or something.

I just kinda stood there, feeling sad, and wishing that I had not gone to Australia at all, and thinking how she hadn't even listened to me enough to hear about the cool Halloween place, and that we wouldn't even go to the concert.

Then I woke up.

In real life news, I m feeling a liiiiittle bit more calm about how life shit the bed yesterday.  Doing a lot of research helped, and even though it is NOT in line with how I wanted my finances to play out, and will set me waaaaay behind in pretty much every way, for a long, long time, at least I have somewhat of a plan, should worst come to worst.  So, there's that.

Aside from that, I saw my ex for a bit last night (not the one from the dream, but the one before that).  She seems to be doing really well, in spite of some awful shit that happened in her life recently.  That's as good as can be hoped for, I guess.

And aside from, aside from that, Yesterday ended up being one of those days (again) where I could see something brewing under the surface.  Still don't know if it's being dealt with, or waiting to explode.  Still basically no talking about it, a staunch refusal to admit that it is there, and a denial, when I ask.  I don't get that.  If it is written all over every aspect of your being, that something is bothering you, answering "Nothing." to someone who damned well knows you well enough to know better, is just insulting.

But there's not much I can do about it.  I didn't make a big deal, I just let it go.  You just can't force someone to be a team player.

poisonedgrace: (Default)
 So, last night I had this whole dream that I barely remember any of.  I was out somewhere in the country, and I was working on this thing where I had these 3 drones (the copter kind) and a harness, and some wire, and I was making a thing where I could fly by rigging it all together.  There was a lot more to it, but I woke up and lost the details.

When I fell back asleep, the real weird stuff started.  It was, I guess, the same dream, only further along.  I had my flying drone harness perfected, and it also drew power either from the sun, or in some ambient way, from like... everything.  But however it worked, it would fill up and over charge, so I had to discharge some of the power every so often.  I did this by shooting out an explosive green laser thing.  So, of course, the only logical decision was to fight crime.  

As fate would have it, as I flew over a town, looking down at cars on a freeway, I got a notice that The Jesus Robots were attacking again.  The Jesus Robots were these 3 giant robot things, that were styled up in religious sort of ways.  They were like big crudely people shaped robots, one looked kind of like he was supposed to resemble the Pope, one looked like a random priest, and one, of course, looked like Jesus.  They were attacking some random part of town, so I flew there.

Some other 'hero' (or maybe more) was already there, fighting them, and we divided the robots out, because they were easier to fight alone.  I ended up with the priest one.  Instead of make a big brawl of it, like usual, and get shot with a laser, like usual, he decided to hid behind a corner with some hostages.  This had never happened before, so I had to play it safe.  For a guy who only had flight and laser blasts, it wasn't the best match.  After a while the police showed up.  And tons of onlookers.  And people I knew.  They were all expecting me to solve it.  I had no idea what to do.  After an ongoing, intense stand off, I rooted around and found some junk, and a small dog.  I draped a cloth over the dog's back, and made him a little hat.  I spent a lot of time sculpting a figure of an angel out of an old candle.  I stuck that onto the dog as well, and then sent the dog out towards where the robot was hiding.

He saw the dog, and thought it was a person he recognized from the church, and came out of hiding, where the police and I immediately apprehended him.

I woke up before that got any further.

Surprisingly enough, the entire weekend went without any serious issues.  I can't really even remember the last time that was a thing.  I saw a couple of them brewing beneath the surface (when you know someone well enough, you really can see it a mile away), but rather than fuel them into a catastrophe, she did... something else.  I don't know what.  I would like to say that she reasoned her way out of it, and dealt with it in a healthy way....  But the fearful part of me, which puts more stock in past experiences, rather than hopes and dreams, fears that this is the "ignore it, but it doesn't really go away, it festers" pressure cooker, leading up to a massive meltdown (the storm after the calm) that we've seen (repeatedly) before.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.  I guess there's not much else I can do.

July 2017

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