Apr. 26th, 2017

poisonedgrace: (Default)
 The first dream that I remember from last night, I was either not me at all, or some vastly different world's version of mt that only had a few things in common with this me.  I had just moved to a new town, and a mother (not my real life mother) was my only family.  It seemed like we had moved to a small town where everyone knew everyone, and people knew of us, although somewhat indirectly, so either from the distant past, or through a family member.

We had moved into a place that was "the old _____ property".  I didn't retain the family name that goes in the blank.  Based on the way the towns people said it, it was supposed to have some gravity to it, but I don't know what.  I had a job that I was sorting out, although I am entirely unsure what kind.  I went through what seemed like a cafeteria, then a kitchen, then an assembly line (for food?) sort of place and eventually came to some offices in the back.  I don't know what it was, over all.  I was getting hungry from all the food, and some nice cafeteria ladies (they reminded me of the ones in various schools) offered to feed me, which made me happy.

At the back area, I talked to Someone In Charge, (don't remember details).  They introduced me to some kids around my age.  Everyone knew my name, and basic details.  They were fictionally small town friendly (you know how it is on TV, not the Klansmen you tend to get IRL).  A group of kids my age (I assume i was early 20s-ish?) offered to show me around, so I said ok.

We got into a car, it was myself, and either 2 or 3 guys, and a girl.  I'm not sure how many, exactly.  We drove all over the area, and they showed me all kinds of places.  I recall houses and neighborhoods, and a really cool old car graveyard type place with some kind of weird bubblehearse which I decided that I would buy with my first check, and get running again.  

As darkness fell, The place got increasingly creepy, and the people got more nervous.  Clearly something was afoot in this small town.  We stopped the car somewhere, and the guys were being sketchy, but the girl was nice (in that Hollywood movie blossoming romance way), so we decided to leave on foot.  As we were walking through the spooky blue wonderland of cinema darkness, something happened, and we somehow got separated, and I was lost, since I had never been anywhere around here before.  

I walked and walked until I saw a house with lights and noise.  I approached and could see inside.  There was a dad and 3 or 4 little kids, playing and singing.  The house was so wonderful and lived in and loved, it seemed amazing to me.  Every wall was covered with bookshelves, stuffed full, every table had books piled deep on it.  I went up and knocked on the door.  A lady came (the mom) and was suspicious of me at first, but when I told her my name, and that I was lost, she knew who I was, and where I lived and everything.  She invited me in and was telling me that she worked at the school, and all kinds of other things.  

There was some info about the town, which I didn't retain, and I don't know what else.  I'm not sure if they gave me directions, or gave me a ride or escorted me towards my house or what.  The next thing I remember, I was somewhere on the way home, and I was in a building, trying to stay safe, because I had seen monsters several times by this point.  As I tried to figure out a plan, I kept seeing them outside doing... monster stuff... I don't know what.  But I had figured out the strange secret of this town, at least., now my goal was to make it home.

I don't remember anything beyond that.

The next dream that I remember, I had just gotten off an airplane, and arrived at a hotel, in Australia.  I was supposed to meet my ex there, and we were going to see The Cure at some huge concert.  She met me in the lobby, and took me to the room we were staying in together.  The entire hotel was this massively huge ultra modern / futuristic sort of place, that seemed to also be the biggest retail mall in history.  

I kept telling her what a good choice she had made, and how cool the place was, but she seemed distant and not very communicative.  She had already been here for a few days, so maybe she was over it already.  We collected our things in the room, and headed out towards the show immediately.  We walked this winding path through the hotel/mall, and came out to a street that was, understandably, flooded with goths.

We walked about 3/4th of the way to the show (it wasn't all that far, a few blocks), and then my ex remembered that she had left her glasses, and her tickets in the room.  I said that we should go back after them, and hurry, so we weren't late.  She refused and sat down on a bench, saying that she wasn't going to go back.  I was a little confused, but I said that I would go back and get them.

I tried to re-trace our steps, but try as I might, I could not find our room, or anything that looked familiar.  I wandered through every sort of retail space imaginable, plus some that mostly weren't.  I knew we were on a lower floor, but I also knew that there had been stairs involved, but this place had a crazy layout and I just couldn't find where I needed to be.  During my wandering, I found an amazing store that had all kinds of things, from housewares to clothing, to toys, everything... and all of it was Halloween themed.  Which was awesome, because it was not anywhere near Halloween.  I was really excited about that, and took a pic of it with my phone, so we could come back here later.

Having been unable to find the room, I eventually managed to find my way back towards my ex.  She had relocated to a bench just outside of the hotel/mall, where she sat, engrossed in her cell phone.  Two hours had passed since I had been lost, trying to find the room and get her stuff, and I was feeling really frustrated, and rushed.  

I told her what had happened, and she acted like I was stupid, even though this place was super confusing, and I had been here for all of 10 minutes before trying to navigate it.  She grudgingly said that she would show me where the room was.  She stood up from her bench, and walked inside the building, rook one right, and showed me the entrance to the wing where our room was.  It was literally right there, and looked familiar, and I knew how to get there.  I said that this was not the way that we came in OR out when we went before, and she said that we had gone a different way earlier, but still acted like I was stupid for not knowing.  I asked her why she didn't just get her stuff, so we wouldn't be over 2 hours late now, but she ignored me, and walked over to a crowd of people at the next building over, and started chatting with some popular people or something.

I just kinda stood there, feeling sad, and wishing that I had not gone to Australia at all, and thinking how she hadn't even listened to me enough to hear about the cool Halloween place, and that we wouldn't even go to the concert.

Then I woke up.

In real life news, I m feeling a liiiiittle bit more calm about how life shit the bed yesterday.  Doing a lot of research helped, and even though it is NOT in line with how I wanted my finances to play out, and will set me waaaaay behind in pretty much every way, for a long, long time, at least I have somewhat of a plan, should worst come to worst.  So, there's that.

Aside from that, I saw my ex for a bit last night (not the one from the dream, but the one before that).  She seems to be doing really well, in spite of some awful shit that happened in her life recently.  That's as good as can be hoped for, I guess.

And aside from, aside from that, Yesterday ended up being one of those days (again) where I could see something brewing under the surface.  Still don't know if it's being dealt with, or waiting to explode.  Still basically no talking about it, a staunch refusal to admit that it is there, and a denial, when I ask.  I don't get that.  If it is written all over every aspect of your being, that something is bothering you, answering "Nothing." to someone who damned well knows you well enough to know better, is just insulting.

But there's not much I can do about it.  I didn't make a big deal, I just let it go.  You just can't force someone to be a team player.

poisonedgrace: (Default)
 One breath at a time, convincing myself that no one would miss me if I was gone.

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