Last night I dreamed that I was in that restaurant that I occasionally dream about, only it was a little different this time. I saw someone that I knew, across the room. She did not look well. Collapsed. head on table, all alone. I walked over to see what was going on. She said she was sick. I went to get her some water. I had a cup, and walked across the room to some soda fountains. As I was over there, I saw a commotion in the foyer. Taking a look, I saw that Ben was over there, fighting with some kids. Like 3 vicious little kids, and they were attacking him, trying to kill him. He is a pretty decent sized dude, so he was just sort of holding them down until they give up or whatever. I dunno what else you really could do in that situation. One of the kids had super thick glasses, so I reached down and took them off og him, and put them in a nearby drawer, so they wouldn't get broken.
I took the water back to my friend, then left. Later, I was in a hotel room with a couple of people, and suddenly those 3 kids crashed in, and they had a gun. They were accusing me of stealing the one kid's glasses. They held us at gunpoint and searched the room. Of course we didn't have them, and I told them where they were, but hey, 8 year old bullies with a gun, that was going well. One of them fired a round through the ceiling, and I told him this was a hotel and there are people sleeping up above us, and he probably shot someone. He fired a few more to prove he was tough. After a while, we could hear the cops coming, and I woke up during a struggle, so I don't know how it turned out.
Yesterday / last night was just totally fucking awful. I can't understand it, because it seems like a lot of contradiction, but for my own sanity, I am going to try.
It seems like a strange combination of helplessness, and willfulness. Like she just hadn't been doing this shit she was supposed to start doing a month or longer ago. I noticed back on 7/25, that she hadn't started, and thought "ok, well that's odd." so I shared some likns online that should help get it all started. She seemingly did nothing, and even told me that she didn't have time to deal with it at that moment. Ok, fine, whatever, so last Friday, we had a conversation about it where she was STILL needing to get started, admitted to having thus far done absolutely nothing, and also expressed massive irritation that people kept mentioning that it needed to be done (side note, this shit is really typical. She will just not fucking do something that needs to be done at a certain time / deadline, and then if / when someone else does it, or bitches about it never getting done, she will get massively pissed and turn into a pity party mess about how that person hates her, and act as though she has been supremely wronged, even if they just quietly did the thing that needs doing).
So, I said 'do it Monday, I sent the links, pull them back up and go ahead and do it. I will even loan you the money to take care of it, if you need some." Of course Monday comes and goes. As does Tuesday, and Wednesday. Every day, she takes at least an hour of time, and a lot of energy, being furious that people are "dogging her" about it. I hadn't said a lot other than offering links and money, because I have obviously seen this shit play out on the regular.
So Wednesday passes, still more of this same shit. So I finally after listening to endless complaining, while STILL not doing anything, I dig the links out, plus a few more, on Thursday afternoon, and supply them again. With detailed instruction. "Call these places, write down the answers to questions, and the prices. After you get the info, pick the one that works for you, and go with that." So, she calls the first one, doesn't ask price, and books an appointment. I reply with "ok, that's not helpful. The reason you are struggling, is because you said the original price was too steep, and now you are just going with the first people you contact, price unseen? how do you know if it's cheaper and meets the needs?" So the response, is that clearly _I_ am being unreasonable, "dogging her" also (which makes me question the validity of the claims about other people "dogging her", since obviously it was complete nonsense in my case), and not helping.
She then starts to claim that 1. the reason she has never taken action on it is because she has absolutely no idea HOW to proceed, or how anything works, or how to place calls and organize information, and 2. that she has already made some of these calls back when I shared the links the first time (never mind the fact that she bluntly stated, less than a week prior, that she had done nothing. When called on that, she switched to saying that 'the reason she said that she had done nothing, and not contacted anyone, was because she didn't book anything and solve the issue, therefore, it was the same as not having done anything. Obviously retconning it, and just being shady as shit, trying to revise her big load of doing nothing, into making it seem like she had been struggling along, when obviously it's not true).
So, since she 'had no idea what to do' and 'is very confused, and no one will help her understand' (even though she never asked questions, attempted to clarify or made any effort to learn) I explained again, the simple adult task of writing out what you needed to know. Calling places 1 at a time, gathering info, which you write down, and then comparing the info and choosing a place to do business with. I wasn't rude, I just went over it again. So then she's pissed off because of that. She's blatantly helpless over an issue, but takes offense to someone trying to help her or educate / instruct her (this happens all the fucking time with different issues as well).
Before this, she had already undermined several other attempts to both help her, and even for someone to do parts of it FOR her, because she just gets mad about everything and hates herself and can't stop being destructive.
All this sparks a few hours of her telling ME that my thoughts and opinions are, and not listening to a word that I have to say about how I really feel, if it in any way contrasts with her negative, self loathing fantasy. This commonplace activity comes (as always) complete with not only words, but entire narratives put in my mouth, which she will cling to in spite of anything I have to say, or any evidence to the contrary.
I could keep writing about this bullshit forever, but I am just too annoyed and tired and apparently stupid.
It's getting really fucking old, and my patience is just fucking gone.